Wednesday, May 31, 2006

The life and times of a SAHM...

Why is it that sewing a black cassok is unbelievably tedious and boring, when other sewing I find to be fun? Every single cassok I have done has been brutal torture. Blech. I'm getting closer to being done, though....closer, but not done yet. At least this time I can SEE what I'm doing, thanks to my nifty thrifty reading/sewing glasses. I can't even see the warp of the fabric without them.

And in other news...after sewing all morning, I laid around at the pool, again. Had the good sense to leave by mid afternoon, and just a few minutes after we got home it started to thunder. Eventually I saw my first hail: marble sized hail. Glad it wasn't bigger, so no damage to our car. It's still storming out.

Other than that, I've been a lazy bum today. Folded laundry, taught one of the kids the fine art of loading the dishwasher, and read an interesting book that was different from my usual fare.

My tan is coming along nicely.

At the pool today, mostly I wished I had a friend to talk to. I sat staring at the other moms, wishing I knew them but not knowing how to meet people...nobody talks to other people unless they already know one another, so that's how it is. Mostly I hid in my book.

I think my kids feel similarly lonely sometimes. Sigh.

Monday, May 29, 2006

The Pool is Open, the Weather's Hot

We always buy a pool pass for our family. It's only one-fifty for all of us for the summer. If I were to pay for me and the four kids to go to the pool once with cash, it would cost sixteen dollars. SIXTEEN. HOW, I wonder, do I see all the same folks at the pool every day, and no one has pool passes except for us? I think that some folks don't know math. Or maybe they don't have a pile of kids. But even with one grown up and two kids it would still ten bucks. So if you go fifteen times it will have paid for itself. The pool season goes from memorial day until labor day, so it seems like it still would be more economical for most people to buy the passes.

At any rate, with the pool one block away, this is the deal of the summer if you ask me. It also gives me clout: as in, we aren't going if you don't do xyz (mostly clean your rooms...as in...today.) I really don't think an almost eight year old needs my help doing that, KWIM???

And I bought this really cool chair back pack: it has straps, and a huge pocket for stowing all our gear and it's one of those low down to the ground lounge chairs. So not only can I bribe the kids, get them so much exercise that they are quiet and sleepy at night, I can lounge poolside and read books.

I only have one question: What is it about lolling in the sun (wearing spf 50 sunscreen, of course) that is so...exhausting?

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Learning Something New

I decided that instead of constantly gorging myself on escapist literature this summer, I would use some of my down time to learn something new. So yesterday I tackled learning how to crochet roses using a 100 year old pattern. That worked, I used fat cotton yarn and a big hook, so the thing was gigantic, but now that I know how to read that pattern I think I can do it way scaled down. It was a piece from a dress yoke and it's called irish crochet...has sort of an irregular pattern of loops and picots connecting various leaf, rose and clover motifs. I get crazy about stuff like that, as long as it's done in natural fibers and is very fine. I'd love to be able to make that sort of thing.

I also want to learn how to crochet blocks. That book has some very cool sweaters and stuff done in blocks, which technically I can do, I just need to try it and see the results.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Ahhhhh...

Will I sleep in tomorrow or get up at the crack of dawn and let the kids sleep in while I enjoy a soon-to-be rare snatch of quiet?????

THAT is the question!

Last day of school and my kids cleaned UP at the awards ceremony. Yay! I"m so proud. Oh, my aching bones though...two awards ceremonies on horrid folding chairs...back to back. At least I got to work out all the kinks taking a nice long walk, though.

And I have not thought one single profound thought today.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Ain't no cure for the summer time blues, doing dee dee doing dee dee doing...

It was one of those mornings around here when my son could not find his shoes, the living room is inundated with piles of art work from the kids' exploits yesterday and heaps of laundry waiting to be folded. At least it is clean! And so it was a little more difficult than ideal to get the kids out the door this morning. But we managed. After spending about a half an hour hunting for ds' sneaker and yelling at him to help me look, dd1 found it in a trice. She's my hero. Hunting for sneakers is the bane of my life, and leaves me tired like very little else. I think it has to do with the STRESS of the process. Right now typing is even hard and there's a good chance I'll skip my morning walk...or shorten it.

I feel so driven to loose these last twenty, and I don't fully comprehend WHY that is the case. It seems like a physical impossibility for them to linger forever, considering the disciplines I am engaging in and the lifestyle changes I have embraced. But we shall see. Swimsuit shopping did nothing to alleviate the stress of that desire.

So, what's on the menu for the summer? Lots of time at the pool, needless to say, and putting together a cassok for Fr. D (it's cut and waiting for me, calling my name and I am SO BAD about procrastinating.) Also spoke to the bride-du-jour yesterday and we agreed on a July 1 deadline for her wedding dress. Have fabric, have fabric for muslin, will sew...soon. But cassok first. Cassok first, cassok first. I've been procrastinating the cassok for months. Fr. D says not to hurry. But arg, I want the darned thing DONE!

I ordered a book and plan to put myself through some writing exercises either this summer or starting in August when school gets back in session, and I also plan on spending some time working on next year's sunday school plans with the SS coordinators. I'm looking forward to that.

So, already the summer is filling up before my very eyes. And hanging with the kids at the pool is of course essential to all our well-being. They've been fighting too much with each other lately, and I mean to curb that with excellent parenting, of course, but that takes so much energy. I'll just have to budget it, though. (Yes, I carefully budget my energy).

I'd hoped to invest in some math oriented computer software for the kids to do, so they can have that advantage next year. I still will try to make that happen. The teachers at their school are all so focused on the remedial kids, that I have to give an extra push here or there to even get mine put into the talent pool, etc, even though they are definitely academically advanced.

Oh, and regular trips to the library. That is also in the plan. And walking...I want to continue to walk. This might mean getting up at the crack and sneaking out the door before dh leaves for work. We shall see how good I am at that. Typically summer is a time when I slack on the exercise, but like I said, there's that extra LAST twenty pounds I want so desperately to loose.

Lots on my plate for summer. Last day of school is tomorrow.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

swim suit shopping (oh the horror!)

So, me and the three girls went swim suit shopping this evening. Like I said: Oh, the horror! But, I felt like it would be good for us to find appropriate swim attire for the coming season since last year's suits no longer quite are the thing.

Off to wallyland in pursuit of the american dream: swim wear magic that will erase the wear and tear of four babies, NOT coordinate with the color of my varicose veins (heard on this trip: "Hey mom, on the back of your leg, it looks like it's going to burst open!"--"Gee thanks kid, I"ll be sure to aim it in your direction when it does!"), and lift that which sags, cover that which bulges, and oh, so much more: look cute and fashionable to boot?

Ain't gonna happen. Brown is a popular color this season and I was hoping for something Marilynesque in brown. HAHAHAHAHA! OK, now that we've gotten over that particular fanasy, reality sets in.

Uuuuuuugly: here's the definition. Size XL with giant pink hibiscus flowers splashed all over a black background. Yeah, that's gonna make my butt look smaller. Neeeext!

Ah, yes, the cute little navy blue swimdress....with the big bright blue animal striped tie thingy across the bust line...just where I need to call attention to, yah, right! (OK, the only time I've ever seen that shade of blue naturally occurring on an animal's body was a particular monkey butt at the zoo one time. That ought to be a new crayola crayon color: Monkey Butt Blue. Hey, what color are these super cool placemats? Monkey Butt Blue, of course, it's the latest fashion trend, donchaknow?...yeah, moving right along.)

And then there was the kicky little two piece apparently designed to look like a tennis outfit, white on top and black on the bottom, compete with shlwwwp fabric underneath on the bottom, but alas not on the top. (You all know what I mean by shlwwwwp fabric, admit it...it's never included in the swim suits you actually want to be SEEN in, KWIM?) Unfortunately, no amount of shlwwwp is going to take off the extra twenty that seem to be lingering right around my mid section, and with it only on the bottom...well, the term muffin top comes to mind.


Let's just say, my girls are forever traumatized by this experience. They all found really cute swimsuits, of course, so I'm happy for them. In the end, I did come up with something to pass muster, without screaming hibiscus flowers, or monkey butt blue animal print tie thingies, or mismatched shlwwwwp fabric, so all went well.

I need some wine!

Friday, May 19, 2006

Meme's the word

Tag, you are it!


I am...tired and I should be sleeping.
I want...to get up and use the bathroom.
I wish...that I knew then what I know now.
I hate...the fact that so many people are debilitated due to lack of good health care or the ability to pay for it.
I love...my husband and kids.
I miss...my husband when he works late.
I fear...heights.
I hear...the furnace blowing and the computer humming.
I wonder...what it would be like to be someone else.
I regret...too much to mention.
I am not good...focusing on one thing.
I dance...not at all.
I sing...whenver I feel like it.
I cry...when I'm overtired and PMSing.
I am not always...happy.
I make...other people laugh.
I write...in my blog and my journal.
I confuse...my kids.
I need...to pee.
I should...obsess about my weight less.
I start...craft projects.
I finish...reading books.

Cooking

There's something about standing in my kitchen, moving back and forth between the countertop, the stove, the fridge and the trash can...cooking from scratch, that makes me feel very grounded. I spend a good amount of energy each week doing just that, since my diet forces me to do so, and now it's gone to a new level of necessity, even, what with the nut situation. Grounded. All the basic ingredients lined up in a row, and me, having done my research, casting the recipe books aside just to cook.

This is how I do it, you know. I spend a few hours on the comptuer, reading recipes. I look for common themes. I look for nuances. I look for consistency and differences. Then I look at my knowledge bank of food substitutions, and my awareness of what each ingredient DOES in a dish, and what I have in my pantry or fridge and I make plans. I might even jot down a few notes, ideas, scratches. But by the time I enter my kitchen, it's just me and the food and the tools.

But don't get me wrong. It's all out of necessity. If I could, I think I'd be a hamburger helper type of cook. I really do. I take fusion to a whole new scary level, just thowing ingredients into the skillet, topped off with some marsala spice, red pepper, and salt. Scary. And sometimes the result is...interesting, at best. Yesterday's green onion and tomato stir fry with marsala spice would have been good if I hadn't dumped some left over egg yolk into the dish (I'd made macaroons earlier in the week and only needed the whites). Next time I'll try the spice with the tomatoes without the eggs. So I learn

Today's culinary attempt was homemade icecream. I had to make a couple of subsitutions to bring it into compliance with my strict diet, but I managed to come up with something that very nearly tastes like a Wendy's frosty. Not bad for a first attempt.

And it's exhaustig work, cooking. Even something simple like picking the meat off a turkey carcass for eating later in the week sort of bring one back to the earth, in a way that opening a pack of sliced deli meat never will.

I'm just glad I didn't have to kill and pluck the darned thing.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Gone Nuts!

I've officially become one of those epi-pen wielding people with peanut and nut allergies who has to call restaurants in advance to check on ingredients, who has to screen all foods before eating them, packs her own sack lunches wherever she goes, and who keeps peanuts and other nuts out of her house and her husband's teeth, who cooks most things from scratch and reads labels voraciously.(Not that I didn't already do that for sugar and other ingredients, but now I officially have another layer added to my culinary sleuthing FUN!!!) My best "duh!" moment of the day was when I so brilliantly said: "You mean, if I eat pecans and it scalds my mouth, that's a NUT ALLERGY?????"...oh, the priceless look on the nurse's face when I said that.

Ah yes, and when the allergist found out there's a family history of heart disease, he was VERY interested in seeing me loose the last twenty pounds (his eyes about popped out of his head when I told him I'd already lost well over thirty and that I was fully planning on loosing the last twenty. "You mean you were....?" he said. "Yes docotor, 225," I answered. Oh, shock. A patient who actually CARES about her health and is willing to (mostly) discipline herself!!!!! He was also very interested in seeing me continue my nightly glass of red wine and strongly encouraged two grams of fish oil per day. Why?

Epinephrine is really really bad for someone with heart disease, apparently.

I'm living on the bleeding edge of insanity, or the bleeding edge of anaphylactic nut allergy, I guess. Nuts. They seem to be in everything.

And if ANYONE can point me to a real true source for cooking chocolate bars from scratch (and I don't mean the "melt a bag of chocolate chips" kind of recipe, I mean the "take butter, sweetener, cocoa powder, etc, and cook them for yay and so long and then do such and so with them and turn the into chocolate bars..."-please point me in the right direction.

One can buy sugar free chocolates. One can buy nut free chocolates, but I have YET to find sugar free nut free chocolates.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Integration

Someone on a chat board I like to read asked the question: How do we integrate our Christianity into our whole life? Or, how do we live integrated Christian lives? What does that look like?

People waxed eloquent. Lemme tell ya.

I did not answer that thread but one thing did come to mind:

Mowing the grass, with a klunker lawn mower that needs it's carburator adjusted, already tired, but wanting to get this chore done, smelling like the gasoline that I spilled on my hands and breathing in nasty fumes...my faith becomes integrated when this event is a call to prayer and I actually pray, rather than fuming, griping and complaining to myself.

Victory indeed!

Monday, May 15, 2006

Give us this day our daily bread. ..

So our church is now participating in a new ministry, and that is distributing bread. Panera bread company just opened a new store in the town where our church is, and they notified the churches that they give out the day old bread for distribution to the needy. We signed up to be one of the receiving churches, and the poor guy who is in charge said he went to get the bread and it just kept coming, and coming and coming.

Yesterday when we got to Church there was a HUGE mound of bread for us to deal with. Bagels, Foccacia, Baguettes, Loaves, sweet buns, more bagels....loads of it.

More than will usually be I think because they are still in practice mode at the bakery. Wow. So at least for yesterday, we ALL took enough to fill our freezers and there was so much left over I think B was panicked.

So now our freezer is so full of this delicious bread that I will have to absolutely control myself over and NOT EAT (flexing the self control muscles...what a concept!) but we also have the opportunity to be a courrier...

Yesterday we delivered three big garbage bags full of bagels to the Catholic Action Center, which is only about six blocks from our house. The Center feeds homeless peopple daily, I think. Even on a Sunday afternoon there was someone there to take our donation. We knew about this place because dh walks home from work, and has chatted with folks there.

So now our commute to and from our parish will have one extra purpose on Sunday afternoons. Major bagel delivery.

That feels really really good.

Friday, May 12, 2006

I can't stand it

I don't fit in anywhere. I have no friends in this town and I hardly ever get to see the friends I do have who live half an hour away. Please, no advice about finding friends in this town. Please. It's not them, it's me. I. Just. Don't. Fit. I don't think I'm a very nice person.
Don't fit on the net either. Everyone seems to have a cozy place to be, chat boards, etc. But not me. I just don't fit.
I don't fit
I don't fit
I don't fit
this blog post is stupid and I don't fit.

blech. I"m posting it anyways. We can't all be farting sunshine and roses all the time now can we?

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Wet Trees

Walking in the rain,
wet trees, verdant
in the cool moist air,
my canopy.
Best underfoot is grass
growing,
but the sidewalk must suffice
in the city
and I'll make do
as usual
with the green I can get.

Irises drink in the rain
and send up
fragrant offerings
of childhood memories
in our flowergarden
when I was six
which I'd forgotten until
yesterday's walk
when I stopped to breathe them in.

That reminds me of
currents, raspberries, pears,
and roses,
and always of cool wet air
loved best when walking:
my favorite kind
for breathing deep
under wet trees.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Orthodox Church

in the news over the Davinci Code

Free Range Breast Milk...

...and more good laughs. Seriously, you must read this:

Very funny and true bit of insight into the world of parenting

On a happier note...

Thirty six down and only twenty to go!!!!!!

And then I want a t-shirt that says:

American Obesity Epidemic Survivor

Now I'm off to walk before the rain comes.

Update: It rained. I got wet.

Stink! Stank! Stunk!

Just in time from Uncle Sam we got our refund and spent some but not all. What must we do with the rest AND all extra from the next over-time paycheck???? REPLACE OUR STINKIN' WATER LINE THAT SPRANG A LEAK!!!!!

...deep cleansing breaths...it's just stuff...it's just money....this too shall pass....

Note to self: we need a bigger emergency fund.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Since I"m talking about movies...

Here's my list that I own so far that I consider worthy of re-watching multiple times:

Lady Hawke
Pride and Prejudice (BBC)
Pride and Prejudice (new version)
Sense and Sensibility (Emma Thompson)
Gosford Park (I love the "below stairs" side to this story)
Ever After
Wedding Singer
LOTR
Narnia
Top Gun
Sleepless in Seattle
Princess Bride
Armageddon
Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon
What Women Want


Want to acquire for repeat viewing purposes:

All the Rocky movies
Hunt for Red October
Widowmaker
any other Submarine Movie (I have a THING for sub movies. What's that all about????)
Emma
Emma (BBC version)
You've Got Mail
Monsoon Wedding (if you have not seen it, seriously, do so!)
Indiana Jones stuff
Robin Hood (the one with what's his name, was it Kevin Costner?)
The Patriot (horrid battle scenes, but my ancestors fought and lived through that stuff so I feel humble and proud).
50 first Dates
Never Been Kissed
Bourne Identity (it makes me crazy watching them drive around europe like that.)
Russia House (I'm thinking of the one with Sean Connery and Michelle Pfifer...)
Only You
The Name of the Rose



Want to see and then possibly accquire:
Tristan and Isolde

In a word: I like romantic movies,I like period pieces, especially medieval, and I also like movies with plenty of testosterone oozing through the screen.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Fave Flicks

Re-watching the Rocky movies. I love them! I hardly remember anything from when I watched them in High School and I'm having a great time with these films. I really like how Rocky's Christian faith is made an integral part of the story line, asking for a blessing from his priest before the big fight, praying in the corner, wearing his cross, going to the chapel in the hospital when visiting hours are over, and promising to buy a statue for his church with his prize money. And I love his devotion to his wife, and how he shields her from her jerky abusive brother.

My favorite line from Rocky II is something to the effect of "I won't ever ask you to stop being a woman, so please don't ask me to stop being the man."

These movies make me smile. Right up there with Pride and Prejudice and You've Got Mail...happy sigh.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Offended

Twice in one day...but when I think of all my own sins, how can I do anything but forgive, forgive, forgive? God help me at this!

Friday, May 05, 2006

Out to Lunch

with my sister at the mall, where I bought ridiculous metallic colored platform heels that make me look taller than a drag queen. She says I don't look like a drag queen, though, since I don't have an adam's apple. I'm so relieved.

Coming off caffeine and I have a headache. I want ice cream, but think I'll settle for a diet rite soda instead. It's all about choices, and making smart ones. Yeah yeah, so sue me, water would be better. That sounds like song lyrics. Maybe I should play around on my guitar with it for a few minutes and see if something comes of it...or maybe not.

Did I mention I have a headache?

Ten years ago today I had an emergency C-section, crazy car ride to the hospital homebirth gone wrong kind of day...and there was a tornado that day, too, so after the surgery I and my baby were wheeled into the hallway to wait out the storm. I gave my daughter a bike today, so all turned out well for her birth. She was a big baby: 11 pounds, 10.4 ounces. Footling breech. Labor at home was awesome, though, until a foot started coming out of my body...well, not literally. It was discovered when my midwife checked me. After that it was "Don't Push!" amd lots of blowing on my part, and the doctor climbed into the back seat of the car with me and checked my cervix in the parking lot when we got to the ER. Four burlymen (yes, that's one word) in scrubs threw me onto a gurney and started running. I was still blowing as hard as I could to keep from pushing.

The last thing I said before going under the anesthesia was "Doodleoodleoo Inspector Gadget"...and yes, I sang that. Drugs. Gotta love 'em. So much for the home birth.

Do you ever wonder where doctors learn how to sew in such neat straight lines when they do surgeries? Well, let me tell ya: they practice on crazy hippies who show up at the hospital from homebirths gone wrong when they are residents. If I'd have been smart I would have not worked so hard to have babies number three and four by VBAC (that was back in the golden olden days when one could still get a VBAC!) and maybe someone could have fixed my scar, or installed a zipper or somesuch. But I was only cut once and so I have the crooked practice scar instead.

And my youngest, not the birthday girl, lost her first tooth today. Very cute look on her!

How did I get from ridiculous shoes and lunch at the mall with my sister to getting a zipper installed? I don't know. For a few years I did not think I'd ever stop having children, but then suddenly I woke up one day and I simply could not imagine another baby in my life. I think it was hormones. Those darned things. Like someone flipped a switch.

Let me end this with one comment about the mall: Shocking!!!! especially near Abrcrombie and Fitch and certain purveyors of unmentionables. Oy, the larger than life nakie people posters! And I did not know mannequins could DO THAT!!!! I'm old enough to be their mother, but I'm not dead yet, I guess. Lord, have mercy!

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

This was cool!

Here's a link to a writing exercisethat I very much enjoyed. I actually worked on this and did not just spit it out rapidly like I do too many things.

From
by me

I am from old lace, from vibrating guitar strings and a hand stitched bag made in third grade.

I am from the green door framed white house, crumbling, sagging porch, the smell of clean laundry that assails me by the dryer vent in the lush back yard after a rain.

I am from the honeysuckle, wild violets, compost heap, the growing grass, dandelions (not a weed to me!) and old leaves from last fall.

I am from midnight pascha and quiet after a trip to the library, from Opal and Doris and Barbara.

I am from feasting and puns.

I am from preachin’ and theologizing and judgement and righteousness.

I am from baptized in the Rhine, prayer ropes and icons, I am from ancient oils and canted prayers.

I am from Germany and England and Cherokee, Swiss bread, coffee, diet coke and rose hip tea.

I am from memories of those Jura mountains where my toddler sister hiked as far as us older ones, holding Daddy’s hand with a magic flower in the other in a country full of pine trees and air I will never again breathe.

I am from the silent man who was funny before serving in the Pacific during world war 2 who looks so much like my brother in those old pictures that it makes my throat catch, who loved me by giving me bubble gum to chew.

I am from the dusty attic box, forgotten, unlooked, photos showing my true self in the background clutter, from a jewelry box, and a china cabinet full of teapots that speak more to me of roots than photographs ever could.

Scorning the general population

Yes, that's right. I am SEVERELY lacking in love. I just don't like the folks in my neighborhood very much. Many are loud, many are less intelligent than I am, less educated than I am, many are poor, they all talk with obnoxious accents and very poor grammar, many many many are ugly, and most are fat and in poor health due to lifestyle choices (but then again, so am I). So, there you have it: My prejudices, issues, and shames, all rolled into one.

And yet...there's this whispering in my ear that asks me: If you went overseas to be a missionary, and landed in a place just like this, with people just like this, what would you do?

What would I do? What will I do? How shall I then be HERE?

Oh God, oh God, oh God have mercy on me a sinner!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Fun Stuff

Reading glasses: Got 'em!

I like being able to look at the computer screen without so much eye strain, but the whole process is going to take some getting used to: switching them out, remembering to wear them, etc.

Tomorrow I will re-arrange my living room. We picked up some chairs at our favorite furniture store (thrift store) this evening. One comfy wingback for my dh and a nice maple wooden one for at my desk. Good times had by all.

Someone at church GAVE me her old wedding dress...so now that I have glasses, I will sit down and stitch by stitch remove the beaded alencon lace there-from. Perhaps there will be enough white satin salvageable for an infant's baptismal gown afterwards, too.

Also scored three disney movies at the Thrift store this afternoon: Peter Pan, Rescuers, and Snow White. Definitely worth three bucks apiece.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Incensed at the vicissitudes of being middle aged...

So, lately my vision has been vexing me. Today I went to the eye doc, AFTER going in for my sixmonthly teeth cleaning/tartar chiseling event. Lo and behold, I am now the owner of reading glasses as well as a new and stronger scrip for distance vision. I could have gotten them in a BIFOCAL format, but since I do sewing and reading for long stretches of time, the eyedoctor said he'd recommend a full lense of each. Usually people don't get to this point with their vision before the age of forty, he said, but thirty six isn't too far out of range. Oh, great. Just what I needed.

So, I got some cute green plastic frames for the reading glasses and some cute slightly glamorous (let me have my fantasy!!!) metal frames for "regular/distance" vision. Now I will be one of those middle aged women with glasses on a chain around her neck, because that is the only way I will EVER keep track of them.

Then, to make matters worse, I decided this would be a good day to check out the swimsuit offerings at Target. HA! The conclusion there was that I have not lost enough weight to justify getting anything other than the ugly skirted number from last year that already sits in my drawer at home. Perhaps I will pull out my sewing machine and take in the neck strap, though.

I was also shoppoing for new sofa throw pillows and decided I'd look into making them, since the ready made ones cost twenty five dollars each!!!! Maybe someday when my kids are grown...but not with children and two cats will I spend that kind of money on something that will only get coffee spilled on them.

I also admired the watches, the night gown selection, some very cool picnic baskets that I totally want, and the selection of hard floor cleaning vac/mop/scrubberthingies. Did not buy any of that stuff.

I left Target feeling distinctly blue, havning only bought a rubbermaid sipper bottle (yay water!) and some new smaller drawers that will take up less space. (You readers can mentally debate just what sort of drawers).

Why is it that I go shopping expecting a whiz bang life altering event? It's just stuff, dang it, and I'm at this place today where I KNOW the stuff is not going to change me, or make me more beautiful or happier, or anything like that. So, I could get silk pillows to sit my lumpy middle aged arse on. Or I could get a fabulous satin night gown to drape over my lumpy middle aged person. Or I could buy some cream to schmear on my lumpy middle aged face. Or I could buy some perfume to make my lumpy middle aged self smell better...whatever.

Stuff. We gotta live. We gotta put our lumpy hineys into and onto something. But in the end it's just stuff, and it's not what life is all about.

I think the sadness is really just a longing for heaven, and the yen to buy that satin night gown is really a yen for theosis, for being clothed in light. Really. I think that's what it is.

...but I still sort of want that night gown....

Go Immigrants!

As in, rah rah rah, sis boom bah! As in, cheering them on.

After all, we are ALL immigrants. AND, who are we kidding, our country is very very economically dependant on illegal immigrant labor, so lets do the right thing and give them a big fat thank you called amnesty.

THEN, if we really think it's an issue, we can put our national money where our mouths are and spend muchos dineros on sealing our borders and expensive fruits and vegetables that are no longer harvested by dirt cheap labor.

Are we willing? I doubt it. We americanos are too complacent.

So, a big fat bienvenidos to all my fellow americans who hail from south of the border.