Thursday, December 31, 2009

Deep Thought Remains Elusive as 2009 Wanes.

I went grocery shopping today and was fairly well exhausted from it. I'm clearly still recouperating from bronchitis...or perhaps I'm just still a bit sick from it. The cough is still happening, that's for sure.

But I managed to get the groceries bought and I managed to make dinner-roasted chicken, carrots, greenbeans, and (shhhhh) some stovetop stuffing. And homemade cranberry sauce left over from Christmas dinner last week.

It was good.

I didn't over-eat.

I HAVE to lose significant amounts of weight in 2010. Might as well get a few days jump on the process. I hope this blog doesn't de-evolve into a weight loss journal. Because those are boring. But this blog's been pretty boring lately, anyways.

I remember when I used to write things theological, things significant, things thoughtful and perhaps even things profound. 2009 has seen lots of the mundane, some doses of despair and depression...not much insight or profundity.

One would think that getting older my thoughts would become more scintillating and worth having/sharing, and I'm sure they would be if I could actually figure out what they are.

But alas, deep thought remains elusive.

Happy New Year!

Sick of my own cooking RANT!

I'm so bored with my own cooking that I could scream. This whole "trying to buy more natural ingredients" thing that I've been doing since last spring (thankyou Nourishing Traditions...more like BORING Traditions), combined with B being on the gaps diet means we've been eating ground beef, and a whole chicken for our meat (fasting period excepted of course) for lo these many many moons, and I am SICK of hamburgers on sprouted grain buns, I'm SICK of roasted chicken and vegetables, I'm SICK of meatloaf-especially the gaps kind, and I'm SICK of meaty pasta bake (ground beef, pasta, sauce and cheese...yay rah!)....What else is there? I don't cook much else. Boring, boring, boring. I'm in SUCH a rut!

I can't think of anything to cook, and I've been making the same darned thing over and over and it's just not good.

Yeah, sometiems I'll take some of that ground beef and do a stir fry with curry powder. Oh, the thrill! (Not!).

I want to buy breakfast cereal. I'm SO GLAD that convenience got ruined for me. NOT!

Perhaps my new year's resolution ought to be finding RECIPES, and actually using them. And then what would Bethany eat? Meat and veggies, veggies and meat. poor kid. Well, that's all she eats anyways. And what would Eric eat? See, he's got aspie food issues and stuff has to either be hyper processed or super plain. Perhaps I should just buy a stack of frozen pizzas for the boy and wash my hands of his food issues.

It all gets to be a bit much and I truly wish sometimes I could try an exotic recipe on this family and have it be something that people would or could actually EAT.

Can you tell I'm needing to go grocery shopping right now? Should I spend it at Kroger, Aldi, Whole Foods (aka WHole Paycheck) or the dread Walmart? Maybe I should find a balance between my pastured beef, raw milk and some Lucky Charms?

And to top it all off, I need to lose some serious weight in 2010...and I have no idea where to begin other than drinking black coffee and gagging down eggs for breakfast.

It's all so complicated, and yes, I guess I'm crying right now. Happy homemaker I am SO NOT. Good thing no one is going to fire me.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

2009 Meme

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

I wore the same 2 identical brown dresses for 30 days in a row. Yay me!

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Well, my 2009 New Year's Resolution was NOT TO DIET, but rather to eat like a mature individual and let my weight natually drift downward and find its own level. HA! Ha! Ha ha ha! I failed. On so many levels. I tried the "No S Diet" and gained weight, I went to OA and did not lose and the month after I quit, I gained ten pounds. I tracked my food, off and on, via and never did lose, but at least while I was tracking I didn't gain weight either.

Grand total this year: 30 pounds gained! How's that for letting my weight drift downward by mature choices? FAIL!!!!!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My neighbor had a baby. He's cute.

4. Did anyone close to you die?


5. What countries did you visit?

Sigh. I don't think I even left the State except for going to Indiana to pick up my milk every week.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

I would like to have WEIGHT LOSS in 2010. All my efforts will be bent towards this task. Mwahahahahaha.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

I don't really do specific dates.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting off my butt/over my overwhelmedness and having Eric and Maia tested for autism spectrum stuff.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Struggling with the same lame-o sins over and over again. Mostly having to do with GAINING 30 pounds.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Does Fibromyalgia count? Had a few flare ups of that. And bronchitis. And crushing fatigue and sleeplessness and hot flashes.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Raw Milk!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

The kids. They are so wonderful.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Mine. I can't believe I let myself gain 30 POUNDS!!!!! Aaaaaagh and Aaaaaack!

14. Where did most of your money go?

Buying wool to knit, and cookies. I'm sure I bought too many cookies. And starbucks. Yeah. It's no mystery HOW I gained 30 pounds, is it?

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Knitting lace! Knitting socks!

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2009?

Song? My life lacks a sound track. I have no song.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

* Happier or sadder?

-I don't know. About the same. Stressed out about slightly different stuff, I guess.

* Thinner or fatter?

- Way Fatter.

* richer or poorer?

- Same.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Wish I'd prayed more and met more people.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

worry, comofort eating,and self pitty.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

Sick and bundled in a quilt, coughing my lungs out.

21. How many one-night stands?

Only with the guy I'm married to.

22. What was your favorite TV program?


23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No hate.

24. What was the best book you read?

Nothing stands out.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
No musical discoveries.

26. What did you want and get?

for Christmas? earrings, faboo purse and an awesome scarf. In general: I wanted lots of cookies and I got them. 30 pounds worth.

27. What was your favorite film of this year?

Harry Potter, I guess.

28. What did you do on your birthday?

Birthday was so long ago, that I don't remember what I did on it.

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?


30. What kept you sane?

Going out for coffee with my new friend Rachel, going to knitting group, singing in the choir and lots of trips to the Louisville Zoo.

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Gerard Butler

32. What political issue stirred you the most?

Mountain Top Removal.

33. Who did you miss?

Everyone in the greater Lexington area that I said goodbye to when we moved. sniff sniff.

34. Who was the best new person you met?

Rachel, Abbi, Marta and Caroline!!!!

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:

Not dieting is not an option.

I'm not tagging, but if you want to, feel free. :)

Tuesday, December 29, 2009


Lime Aid

I"m Tired of Being Sick!

The coughing is getting better, and at least when I do cough it is productive (oh, so yummy!). But the lack of enenrgy is astounding. I slept until 12:15 pm today and was surprised when I woke up to sunshine streaming through the crack in my homemade "blackout shade" (quilt hung over window).

I shuffled to the kitchen, heated up some chili, and made decaf coffee. Yeah, that is the good thing I did: used being sick and miserable anyways to get off caffeine (AGAIN!). The headache is finally gone.

But beyond sitting here like a lump and contemplating crawling back into bed, I have no energy. I wish I did.

I don't mean to complain...really. I just wish I had the energy to bustle about and be a bit domestic, tidy things up, fold some laundry, clean the kitchen, cook something nice.

Today is Wes' birthday. I suppose I will have to find the energy at some point to make something nice and egads, is it already 4:10???? Sooner than I thought I'd have to, I guess. I am in a total time fog and it's just slipping out from under me this day.

I need a nap.

Church Lady

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Crawling out from beneath my rock... anyone still out there? Am I alive? It has been years since I've been this sick. Oy!

Cough, cough!

Christmas was a blur. I missed Church, of course, and then just sat on a chair in the living room wrapped in a blanket while Christmas joy happened around me. I blurrily remember us unwrapping presents. I sort of recall helping Wes to put the Goose in the oven.

After that we played Quelf, and I think I was on some cold medication because it was a blur. I barely remember the inedible Goose. I decided that I don't like goose. It's not good enough for the price I paid for him. I'd rather have a succulent deli chicken than that hard bone dry desscated piece of bird. Impressively ginourmous wings, though. Like turkey on bad steroids...all dark meat, even the dry bits. I don't think we cooked it right.

Yesterday...was that the day after Christmas? I barely came up for air. Spent the day in bed, haking my lungs out, and zonked on cold meds. All the muscles in my torso are SORE from coughing. Wes made goose soup. It seems like it took him hours to remove that stubborn meat from those stubborn bones. I ate half a bowl. Not much appetite.

Today...just a wee bit better. Enough so, to hope that I'm on the mend.

Did Christmas happen? I feel like I missed it. But we are finally eating that frozen lasagna that I bought, that I theoretically know would be good if only I could taste it. The only thing I CAN taste are Ricola lozenges, and those have long since lost their "herbal goodness" luster.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Lesson Learned the Hard Way

I did an experiment in 2009. I had for my new year's resolution that I would NOT diet. The idea was I'd learn to eat the right amount of food for my body, be lovely and self-controlled and come to a new and mature place of balance.

Result: FAIL!

I gained 30 pounds this past year. Yay, me! (I know EXACTLY how I did it...yum! Late night nachos, too much red winea nd way way too many cookies. You know, the big ones from Panera. Starbucks: also a problem. You get the idea.)

And yes, I went to the endocrinologist to get all those nice happy tests done that would prove that none of the weight gain was really my fault.

Result: All tests normal. So, not thyroid, not bad hormones. Just too much food.

So, I guess I know what my new year's resolution is going to be for 2010 and it's NOT going to be NOT dieting. He he he.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Not the Flu!

After I vomited this afternoon from coughing too much, I scrambled around to find an urgent care placed open late afternoon on Christmas Eve...we made it. They did a flu test, and it came back negative!!!!

I'm so glad!

Wes just arrived with a boatload of antibiotics, prescription cough meds, and the sort, because I DO have bronchitis.

Glory to God for all things. I think this is an illness given to me for reflection and repentance.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Thy Nativity O Christ Our God

Today All The Angels

An Arabic Christmas Carol (Byzantine Hymn of the Nativity)

I. Hate. Shopping.

I like having food to eat, though.

So we went grocery shopping today. Wes came with me and that was such a treat. He's a true gentleman, and he helps me so much, especially when I get tired. So, being with him was very nice. But traffic, oh my! The traffic was HORRIBLE. The grocery stores were was miserable. We had five stops to make (Home Depot, Dee's, Steinmart (for a last minute Christmas item) and then finally Whole Foods and Kroger) and it was nutso, crazy, very unpleasant.

Home now. And I'm SO GLAD to be home.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Dear Blog readers...

I'm opening up my Free To Cover blog once again. Yes, Mrs. "On again, off again" is "On again". What is it with me?????

Rudolf das kleine Rentier

Impressive translation...but SCARY nonetheless.

Rolf Zuckowski - Ihr Kinderlein kommet


Friday, December 18, 2009

More uses for Lego

So, yesterday in a stroke of home school teacher genius, I suggested to B that if she was having trouble memorizing the process for somethingorother molecular process on a cellular level (hey, she's the one taking the class...I'm just supervising) that perhaps she should walk through the steps with various lego pieces representing the various hydrogen, carbon, etc. molecules involved.

She did, and was able to memorize the process.


I think it would be nice to have a real kit, though.

The Woman and the Wheat-Book Review

I'm so glad I have the opportunity to reveiw this wonderful book here on my blog. The Woman and the Wheat, by Jane G. Meyer, is a story about a woman who tills the soil, who plants wheat, who waits the style of many classic "this is the process of how it's done" children's books, the seed's life cycle is traced, from planting, through harvest, milling, bread baking and culminating in it being offered up in the Eucharist.

The style of writing in this book is very poetic, and almost musical, without being pedantic or sing-songy. And the illustrations are absolutely breathtaking, with rich color and unifying elements throughout (a very charming dog, for instance.)

I would say this book would appeal to pre-schoolers the most, as a read aloud. But when I walked in a room where my kids were, opened the book and started reading it out loud, it grabbed everyone's attention and the book had an audience-even though my kids are 10, 11, 13 and 15 years old.

God parents: This book would make an ideal Christmas or Pascha gift for your young god child.

It is available for sale at SVS Press.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Advent Miscellany

Lets see, what's been going on around here? Busy with scouting activities. We had our city-wide American Hertiage Girls Mother/Daughter Tea last Sunday afternoon. I had to miss Sunday morning Church because A. had pink eye, but the doctor said that by the afternoon she would have been on her eye drops long enough to go to the tea. Our troop leader surprised me and asked me to speak about Christmas in Switzerland. So, I got up on stage and told about Christmas in Switzerland. That was a surprise, and fun to do. My preaching training came in handy, and I did get a few laughs from the audience. I told about the Fast of St. Nicholas, and other various things, as well as giving a synopsis of who St. Nicholas was in real life. Most of the audience had never heard of the real St. Nicholas. And of course I talked about other Swiss Christmas traditions as well: The nativity plays, the Chirst Child being celebrated, all the Christian carols and hymns.

On Monday we baked Christmas cookies: Sugar cookie cutouts with decorations (my son is at that age when he likes do to things like make the gingerbread man shaped cookies have various bodily injuries...fuuun.) Chocolate crinkle cookies and ginger snaps. The cookies went into the freezer to await the Nativity. Well, most of them did. ;-)

Christmas shopping: Hardly started. We have an Amazon order in, and plan on spending Saturday amidst the crowds in some brick and mortar stores. The kids are worried and we are making jokes about having invisible presents this year.

B. is sleeping better. She is doing well on her meds, until she gets tired and then she's a blubbering mess. Fifteen hits hormones hits autism hits schizophrenia: A perfect storm. Any and all prayers on her behalf are very welcome and needed on an ongoing basis. It is never easy living with mental illness. God have mercy.

Christmas time brings of so many memories of two years ago when B was hospitalized during the first part of the month of December. That Christmas was difficult. She was not OK when we brought her home. Just barely well enough to eat. But mentally she was still pretty much out of her mind and was for months. I suppose it's good to remember, and to be so very grateful about how much better she is now than then.

Living with this, I realize I carry with me a deep sadness. All the time. I think everyone has their own deep sadnesses. I think the best we can do is offer those up to God.

I keep having the phrase "born to die" in my head, as I meditate on the incarnation of God. And this old Advent carol, on my mind:

O Come, O Come Emmanuel
and ransom captive Israel
that mourns in lonely exile here
until the Son of God appear.
Rejoice, rejoice! Emmanuel
has come to thee O Israel.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Need Some Prayer Here, Please!

I've been really really busy lately. And nothing blogworthy to write about. I do have a prayer request though:

My oldest, B, is getting her days and nights reversed, thanks to her new medication (Geodon) which is working GREAT when she is alert and awake. Unfortunately, that happens to be at night. She did not sleep at all last night. Says she saw the clock change every hour. Her sisters complained to me this morning of her dividing the numbers on the clock into factors etc. All. Night. Long.

Please pray with me that she would be able to stay up today (this is going to get hard for her and be a LOOOOONG day for all of us, I'm afraid) and that God would grant her sleep tonight. That her days and nights would NOT get reversed.

Night before last she woke up at 2:45, and was awake. Then she spent the day sleeping, some in her bed, and then when I got her up after a two hour nap, she crashed on the couch all day.

We tried messing with when we give her her meds, but I'm thinking she needs to just take them at night. I don't know. Can't really tell. I spoke with the pharmacist and although restlessness is a side effect, sleeplessness is not (supposedly). Heh.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Since I've blogged about it...

I went to the Endocrinologist about a month ago. I had to call them twice to get the results of the massive amount of bloodwork they did.

Everything is normal.

I'm unsatisfied, but that is the answer I always get. Yes, he tested for free T3 and T4 levels, etc. He tested my pituitary, He tested me for diabetes..etc. etc. All of it.

I guess it boils down to this: There is no blood test for Fibromyalgia, and that's what I've got. I've already been dx'd with that, so I guess this is just more of that.

And I have to take responsibility for the fact that I've gained 30 pounds in the past year. So I will.

And now I get to do something about it, like tracking my calories and exercising every day and drinking tons of water.

Yay, fun! But that's reality.

So, there it is. I think I complain too much.