Life as Usual

Oh my it has been a long time since I have written anything at all. 

Life has been going on. 

Year one is behind me and grief has turned a very small corner.  Perhaps the inner rawness is starting to heal over a bit, but the haze and fog has also lifted  and left a deep loneliness in its wake.  Such is grief.  Those waves of grief do still hit me from time to time and the tears still come, but not quite as often as in early days. 

My time is spent mostly driving people where they need to go and supporting my son with his school work focus and supporting my daughter with her daily needs, trips to the doctor, etc. 

I've been sewing a little bit since my eye surgeries have healed and I finally got new glasses.  Not going blind is a blessing.  I've barely even begun to process the fact Wes died and then I found out I was going blind and then I had surgeries and now I will have to be on eye drops for the rest of my life and all of that sucks.  People in the Fuch's group I'm in have these huge emotions about the disease and for me it was so very overshadowed by other stuff that it barely got a nod of inner acknowledgement, even though it is kind of huge to have your corneas fail...and now it is part of my story and a permanent part of my budget and I kind of hate that.  Medical stuff sucks.  We are so fragile and so expensive.

My hair is slowly growing back after the stress related hair loss I experienced.  That is an effort in patience. It looks like a very poorly cut pixie at the moment.  I still wear lots of scarves and wigs...because there is a vast difference between having super short hair because one has chosen such a style, versus having super short hair because it is re-growing after hair loss.  I miss my curls.

I'm still not very organized and I still have major anxiety about stupid stuff...such as checking the mail.  Ugh.  I hate having to the check the mail.  This is not logical, but it is real.  I should go check the mail.

And my young people aren't driving yet because I cannot teach them.  I have panic attacks, almost, just THINKING about it.  Actually getting in the car with them is impossible.  It's not the idea of them driving that I object to, it is the actual process of teaching them that I cannot do.  Oh well.  When school is less busy, God will provide teachers I trust.

The cats are ruining my love seat as fast they possibly can and with great zeal and dedication.  One uses her claws and the other his bladder, and I am angry and resentful about that even though I do love them.  Perhaps it will be a future upholstery project for me...

Oh, with the help of a friend I replaced the floor of my kitchen/dining room with smartcore vinyl fooring.  It has been Pergo which was awful and got water damaged and was already not quite installed right when I bought the house.  It was good to do a major project like that. 

Wow, I don't know if it sounds like it, but in my head this post is massively depressed sounding and rather poorly written and just a ramble.  I don't even care.