What to Say when Someone is Dying

Imaginary scenario: Someone you know is on hospice and sick unto death. You have no idea what to say because...shit, right? So, allow me to provide you, world, with some appropriate social scripts to use for when someone you know is preparing to die:
How is your day today? ...Oh, I'm so glad. ...Have you been able to enjoy any of this sunshine? //...oh, dear. that must be so hard. Is the nurse taking good care of you, though?/Is there a way to make things better today? (pain levels, etc)
Are you in any pain? ^^^ see above sub scripts.
What are you reading (or watching)? follow up questions as per usual with such conversations.
Are you able to eat? ...oh, that's good. Anything good on the menu tonight? // I'm so sorry you aren't feeling well enough to eat. to the caregiver: can I run to the store and buy juice for you?
The hospice patient may or may not be able to answer. That is OK. Lots of chatting might be too much. Or it might be OK.
The caregiver will likely be acting as the gatekeeper. If you are greeted on the front stoop when you bring a meal or stop by, please do not be offended. Sometimes it is nap time.
Life becomes immediate and very very daily and so mundane.
Hospice is not a vacation from work. It's not an "are you enjoying your time off?" type of an occasion. It's not a "kick back and live it up" time in a person's life. The hospice patient is ill unto death. If they look good, that does not mean they are fine.
They are likely to be dealing with physical things that they wish to keep private. That is to be respected. If physical care must be given, expect to be escorted right on out.
I speak in generalities here as a follow up to my observation that our culture does not provide good scripts surrounding death and dying. I will likely be posting about things to say to bereaved people, too.

Comments

Monica said…
I wanted to say 1) praying for you and 2) thankful for your advice as I visited my dying Uncle in hospice yesterday and had worried what to say. Lord have mercy.