"Our
seventh struggle is against the demon of self-esteem, a multiform and
subtle passion which is not readily perceived even by the person whom it
tempts. The provocations of the other passions are more apparent and it
is therefore somewhat easier to do battle with them, for the soul
recognizes its enemy and can repulse him at once by rebutting him and by
prayer. The vice of self-esteem, however, is difficult to fight
against, because it has many forms and appears in all our activities -
in our way of speaking, in what we say and in our silences, at work, in
vigils and fasts, in prayer and reading, in stillness and
long-suffering. Through all these it seeks to strike down the soldier of
Christ. When it cannot seduce a man with extravagant clothes, it tries
to tempt him by means of shabby ones. When it cannot flatter him with
honor, it inflates him by causing him to endure what seems to be
dishonor. When it cannot persuade him to feel proud of his display of
eloquence, it entices him through silence into thinking he has achieved
stillness. When it cannot puff him up with the thought of his luxurious
table, it lures him into fasting for the sake of praise. In short, every
task, every activity, gives this malicious demon a chance for battle."
-- St. John Cassian
Perhaps a better translation of "self-esteem" would be vainglory, say some. But yes. This. My struggle. Forever.
Comments