Vacuum Cleaner Wars: Hoover Strikes Back

So, it's time to vacuum. Somehow there are popcorn kernels STILL gracing my living room floor, cheerios and all sorts of crumbs and cornchip detritus in the dining room, and despite me being conveniently out of their way all day Saturday, none of the Rebel Forces decided to try and strike a death blow to any of the crumbs.

So, I'm vacuuming the dining room, which also happens to have the keyboard and head phones in it, when I suck up the chord to the headphones. I had visions of just vacuuming over it, but it was just skinny enough to succumb to the mighty wind tunnel. (Why is it that half the time the Hoover never sucks up what you want it to suck up, but if you get within five inches of something that will bring it to a grinding halt, it will suddenly increase it's suckage and whoosh, the item is forever tangled in the beater bar, and the motor is suddenly making grinding noises and emitting that nasty smell?)

So, I had to get the screw driver, take the bottom plate off, remove the beater bar and untangle the headphones chord. While I was at it, I decided, I might as well cut off all the thread and blond hair and wool roving that was wrapped around there. That took awhile.

I replace everything, plug it in, and the beater bar is not turning.

So I unplug, unscrew, unhook and re-position the belt, re-hook, reposition, re-screw. This time it starts.

So I start vacuuming the hallway. Suddenly, with no warning at all, the entire handle assembly comes off in my hand, and the only thing holding the vacuum together is the hose that's wrapped around part of the handle assembly.

I stop, I unplug, I examine. Two screws are missing. Ok, where did they get to? I wonder. I go dig through the box that has such things in it and find more screws. Just as I'm about to try them, I notice a six inch long screw lying on the hallway floor. A second later I see a little nut. Hmmmm. Where did that come from?

So, on it goes. More screwing. More fiddling with large dusty pieces of plastic. More aggravation.

I plug in the vacuum, and the on/off switch does not work. I had noticed while the handle assemblage was disassembled that there was a red on/off switch buried beneath the handle assembly that was obviously controlled by the big gray switch we normally use to turn it on and off. So, I remove the bag cover, unscrew the long screw once again, remove the handle assembly...again, flip the stupid switch, replace the handle assembly, replace screw and nut, screw it back in, replace plastic lid to vacuum cleaner bag compartment, plug vacuum back in.

Finally, finally it's all together and working properly.

Nice to have Clean floors, although I think I may have lost a hand in the process.