Finding Myself on the Via Dolorosa

It must have been a busy week, getting ready for the passover. There must have been food to buy, and things to prepare. Planning, cooking, shopping. Everything must be just so. And so many were there, and would Jesus come by during the feast?

And suddenly Thursday night is happening...a supper meal among close friends. And then in the garden, a breather before the real Passover feast? But what's this? Soldiers. And Judas. But we are tired. So many preparations, and we just want to sleep. Why does Jesus chastise us so? We've been busy busy busy all week long. And Soldiers! What ARE they doing here? And Judas? Why Judas? Why is he with the soldiers?

Oh. My. Goodness!!!!! He just betrayed Jesus! Astonishment. Fear. I'd better protect myself. This has blindsided me. Hide. I'm already so exhausted, and now THIS. But curiosity takes me there, where they took him.

He stands accused. Yet silent. And it's cold. A cold spring time. And at the fire I am questioned. I have no energy. Won't these people just LEAVE ME ALONE! "NO I don't know him!" Three times, this denial. I just want to be left alone. But I also want to know what will happen. And then I realize, and I weep bitterly.

And he is taken away. It all happened so suddenly. We were there, we were feasting together, and it was such a precious time, and now, my God! He hangs on the cross! He has died.

I am in shock, grief. Horrendous. I only THOUGHT I was tired before. There, on the ground, His holy blood is still staining it. And there was not even time to properly prepare the body. Someone took it. Joseph, the Aramathean, someone said. I'll have to find out more later. Will the authorities come for the rest of us next? Best lay low. Nothing else to do with my despair, disappointment, and grief. How could this have happened? Just yesterday we were all together. Just yesterday he was washing our feet. Just yesterday He spoke that we should all be one, He prayed. He blessed us. Just yesterday....

Oh, my Jesus! Where did you go? I"m so tired. Just way too tired for any of this...tired....