I have burned myself out at the gym doing the same weight lifting routine with very little variation for the past 14 months. I have changed tiny things here and there, but not enough.I can't focus on much of anything beyond the basics of life.
Church is very hard. I go. But it is hard.
I have ideas but no "make it happen" energy.
My eating has gone to pot...sort of. The WHAT is still OK, but it's been a bit on the "too much" side of things this past year.
And the dark months are upon us. It's like midnight dark at 5 pm now.
And I think I am depressed. Because, see all of the above.
I feel like I ought to be farther along the path towards...not "not griefy"...but at least a bit more functional, and I'm just not.
And I don't like it.
And I feel uncomfortable with myself and in my own skin.
And change is hard and there have been so many many changes.
And my feet are not under me yet.
And I am still floundering.
I wish I could get rid of feelings.
I am tired.
Comments
On a practical note, I would change up the exercise routines a bit. You already know this.
I was pondering this verse from Psalm 50 during Vespers: “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.“
Much love.