Overwhelmed

If there's one thing I'm consistently known for in my life, it's telling it like it is. So I'm gonna do that now:

I'm overwhelmed. I hit critical burn out with the very intense home school curriculum that I've been using and have given the kids a hiatus. Judging by their cheers, they were burned out, too. Home school should not be like school at home, quite. Learning should occur, to be sure, but in a different way.

Not to worry, we are still doing math, and lots of intelligent reading and writing, crafts and exercise every day, too. Meanwhile, I have set myself that task of learning all I can about Charlotte Mason style educating, and figuring out whether or not this is for us. Just wading through all that is overwhelming, too.

Quite frankly, I wish I could give my kids high school diplomas for utterly un-schooling them, but if I did that, they'd only be good at watching dumb cartoons. So, I must press on, or send their tender little souls off to public school, which I don't want to do, either.

All the options seem overwhelming. This is where evil anonymous readers of my blog can write in and yell at me for having four children, isn't it? I just broke the number one mother rule: Never admit defeat, or that life seems too hard if you are a mother. "You made your bed, now you get to lie in it..." Yeah, I know. I made my bed.

Well, since I just did admit "defeat", I'll keep going with my honesty: I'm overwhelmed.

It is really really hard to have a schizophrenic daughter. It's hard to know how to educate her when half the time, or more than that, she can't even get her brain to think right. Quite simply:

I don't know what to do.

I'm also overwhelmed by the other kid's needs. I have two packets of papers to go through and fill out to start the ball rolling on potentially getting special services such as speech therapy for two of my others.

My son wishes he could take piano lessons. We have no piano, and no money for a piano, or for lessons. Sorry kid.

I have lots of cooking to do. I barely know what to make for dinner tonight and the house is a mess.

Why is the house a mess?

My back is out. (Who made up that term "out" to refer to complete and utter overwhelming back pain?????)

I went to the chiropractor yesterday, at long last. I found someone who is very good, after praying over the list and calling someone close to home. His adjustment made a difference. But I need much more than one adjustment. I go back tomorrow.

I went in thinking I had two degenerated discs, and found out via X-rays that I have four, and arthritis in my neck. We have not formally discussed it yet, but he strongly hinted that I'd benefit from some serious orthotics (custom shoe inserts) to alleviate one of the reasons my back is in such bad shape: bad feet.

I've knows since High School when my bad feet caused a serious running injury that I have bad feet. What else is new? I guess they did not just stop my running career, but have contributed to lots of other problems as well.

So I'm in a great deal of pain. Which is why I feel overwhelmed. It's hard to think when one is nauseous from back pain.

I'm trying not to complain. I hope this post does not sound like complaining. Really, I do. But maybe I am complaining. I can't even tell. How do you tell someone you are in pain, or that you are having difficulty without it sounding like a complaint? I dunno.

So there it is. Overwhelmed.