No way down from this cross

...and I"m tired
in a purple funk/depressed
I pretty much hate myself.
I try to bear up under the load that is my life in a saintly and prayerful way, but I fail miserably time and again.
I'm:
tired of uncertaintly
tired of being in pain
tired of functioning with not enough resources (physical, financial, energy, space...you name it)
tired of stupid people who have known me for years and still don't GET that while they go on to the next fun thing in their lives, I go home and crawl into bed.
tired of stupid self who treats me like I'm well when I'm sick
tired of dh not having a job
tired of getting up in the morning to cook breakfast
tired of the way it's like pulling chicken teeth to get people to take responsibility for cleaning up after themselves
tired of my hair
tired of the way I look
tired of the fact that each time I bend over to pick something up off the floor I can palpably feel my energy levels draining out of my body (and once it's gone it's gone for the day, forget whatever else I'd like to do).
tired of my lack of solitude
why does it have to be so hard to follow Christ?
I'm
tired of this cross
but there's no way down
so here I hang.