Sunday, August 27, 2017


This is the time for laying down my life.

Yesterday we went to the park and I pushed him in the wheelchair on the paved walking path.  It was lovely weather, a lovely breeze and we had a very nice. time  For an hour or two I was actually not sad.

And then something hurtful was said,  the bubble burst and I had a good loud sobbing cry. We ate supper, and went to vespers.  Confession afterwards.

Church this morning was like being in a fog...or something.  That feeling in the pit of my stomach of fear, like I'm on a rollercoaster.  Just constant terror. I can't escape it.

A very quiet afternoon.  I spent some time writing letters to some pen pals and then I cooked a very very nice meatloaf supper.  We ate in front the TV watching Armageddon.  I wish a giant asteroid WOULD just hit us all.  Stop the pain. Might be nice.

Am contemplating the merits of a goth phase.  Am listening to very loud (headphones) Latino music which lyrics I understand not at all.

It's like my days are mostly alone, or running errands, interspersed with getting my feelings hurt by someone with zero filter.  Brain damage. I hate it.

The brain bleed goes on.  Everything has changed.

My only task is to lay down my life and serve.  And not get my feelings hurt.

And not get my feelings hurt.

And not get my feelings hurt.

I must be superhuman.

1 comment:

elizabeth said...

praying for you all.