Thursday, January 29, 2015

About Fear

Today I woke up and my emotions and thoughts were back in that fearful and negative place where I am panicked about the future, about the increased cost of living, the cost of illness (I stare at my med bottles wondering which one I could do without to save money) and of course underlying and overshadowing everything, Wes' cancer. 

I felt stressed.  And rather helpless.

Due to increased insurance costs, our budget is not quite what it once was.  Lets just leave it at that, shall we?

And it is grocery day and I knew exactly how much was (or wasn't) on the bank account. 

I felt stressed.  And rather helpless. 

At some point in my morning of putting one foot in front of the other (oh how I wanted to be working in my etsy shop to try and earn some money) in which the demands and needs of my kids took precedence over my desires I had a very very clear-as-a-bell thought: 

Manna in the Wilderness. 

I thought of how God gave just enough manna for that day, and double on Fridays so that His people could rest on Sabbath. 

I thought of the fact that I DO have what I need to buy groceries today, because I have a gift card in my wallet that someone gave us.  (and so buy groceries I did). 

What will I do when our budget still doesn't work, and the gift card is gone?  Manna in the Wilderness:  Stay in the TODAY. 

That's been the biggest lesson I have learned so far on this cancer journey, is the importance of staying in the present, and deliberately practicing gratitude.  It is the only way to stay in that place of trust in God...in this moment I have all that I need.  In this moment, God is with me.  In this moment, I can feel love. 

Of  COURSE I can't sense God's presence or receive that Manna in the future because the future is not yet the "now".

Psalm 117: 5ff. (118) says:

Out of my distress I called on the Lord;
    the Lord answered me and set me free.
The Lord is on my side; I will not fear.
    What can man do to me?
The Lord is on my side as my helper;
    I shall look in triumph on those who hate me.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord
    than to trust in man.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord
    than to trust in princes.

2 comments:

Matushka Anna said...

Yes, today. Today is what we are given. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is uncertain. ((((Hugs))))

elizabeth said...

Yes, so much so! Be with God today is the biggest lesson I learned when I was going through $$ hard times with job loss those years ago.

God is with you.

My Grandma and I had a really special talk recently (I asked her how she copes) and she said that God will give us what we need and the strength when we need it, not a day early.

We are praying for you all daily and love you.