Sunday, August 31, 2014

The Other Side of the Tapestry

Today during Divine Liturgy, I was thinking of my oldest daughter visiting Holy Dormitian Monastery this weekend, and how she wants to be a nun, but how she also struggles with mental health issues and autism. I was remembering when she was 13 and was hospitalized catatonic and out of touch with reality. I then thought of my own journey with ill health that I just can't seem to fix. And then I thought of my husband with deadly life shortening never-goes-into-remission brain cancer, and my son with chronic leg pain...and I asked "WHY Lord? the load is too heavy! Why so much on me, on us?" and the answer came with this thought: look how tender-hearted it has made you. Look at how much you lean on me. Look how much this has humbled you. Remember that arrogant young woman you used to be, so full of pride? Remember how jaded you were after you graduated from Seminary? Remember how you told me you wanted to become holy? And now look at you broken, so tender and fervent and the opposite of jaded.....the cross is the way." Today I caught a glimpse of the "other side of the tapestry of life."

4 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Absolutely beautiful!

Matushka Anna said...

I have thought some similar thoughts about losing three babies, and then realized what it has made me. We generally never choose the way of the cross, but God, who loves us best, chooses it for us because he knows it is best. ((hugs))

Sandra Taylor said...

I can't say it enough: Thank you for sharing your heart! <3

Elizabeth said...

Lovely, Alana - well written. I have thought the same things about my RA and Fibro. And, with prayer and God's intervention, I came to the same conclusion. God bless you, my dear. {{{HUGS}}} and {{{PRAYERS}}}
<3 <3 <3