Saturday, January 05, 2013

Keeping it Safe

New Year's Resolutions....love 'em? Hate 'em? Do 'em? Avoid 'em?

I've been resolutely avoiding new year's resolutions for the past several years. And in the past, I've always had the typical diet, get in shape, get skinny resolutions that the rest of almost everyone in America has.

This year, I have some new dreams, but I don't know that they are necessarily having anything specifically to do with the new year....they are just things that are bubbling to the surface at this time in my life.

Oh, I wish I could tell you my whole story face to face! I would have so much more to tell. Deeper stuff, more personal stuff...things that should not be said on a blog. You know I'm a mom, and one of the things I've tried pretty hard to do is protect my children's privacy somewhat. So, that means I can't just write about what they are doing and what is going on in their lives and the dumb or silly or cute things they have said.

But because it involves my parenting, I also can't share with you my deepest heart breaks and biggest griefs. I have to respect my kid's privacy. Especially now that they are getting older. Those boundaries matter.

So I always feel like I'm holding back here on Morning Coffee, because I am. Last year, two of our big goals that we had as a family came to fruition. We moved house (same city, same section of the city) and we absolutely love where we are living now. It's nice to be out of the apartment and to have four walls and some grass. We adopted two kittens, who have grown into very large cats (a brother/sister pair) with amazing medium length fur. And, our oldest turned 18, and finally because of her special needs, we were able to get her on disability. This is a great relief to us. Additionally, our second daughter got her first job and is doing well in it and enjoying her work, as she continues to homeschool for high school. So there have been some big changes this past year.

So I do know what it is like to have a dream, make goals, and to meet the goals and to accomplish something big.

But what I don't know how to do, is to dream for myself, and set amazing life-affirming goals for myself. I am so close to being the servant who buried his talent in the ground, and then returned it to his master with no interest and no extra income. "I kept is safe, Lord." It is so easy for me to just give up and not even try.

And honestly, I don't really know where to go from "here". "Here" of course being my current role as mom/homeschool teacher/homemaker/wife....I want there to be more to me than this. I need to learn how to dream, and then set goals and set out to accomplish those goals. I have absolutely no idea how to find "God's will"...if such a thing exists beyond the keeping of the commandments, but one thing I do know: I'm tired of keeping my "talent" secret and safe.

3 comments:

Shelley said...

I will be excited to see what new things come into your life! You are very talented, and have inspired me with your determination to make the best of it, even when you don't feel like it. (I initially wrote, "feel like crap" and maybe that actually expresses it more accurately!)

I'm always happy to see your post in the bloglines.

Alana said...

I plan on writing more. Be prepared to see my posts in your bloglines more often in the future.

Afan4life said...

You have such a gift for writing..if you wrote a book I'd read it!