Wednesday, February 01, 2012

That Dark Place

I do struggle with depression, don't I? I want to write happy uplifting blog posts, but that's just not possible.

Today was warm and sunny. We had our lessons, I did some knitting, some cooking, some laundry...you would think it'd be an easy day...A sunny day...a perfect day...

Instead, it was just hard. I struggled to get up this morning, and then there was the inevitable guilt that I feel when my slow body does not kick into gear as soon as I think it should. So it's a bit after ten thirty and we are starting school. (Not all the kids wait on me...some of them get a jump start on things like Math and Science while I'm drinking coffee...but others play the Wii, content to wait until I've officially started the school day before engaging their brains.

But we got it done, that's the thing...we DID get it done.

And by mid afternoon, I was dead on my feet. After doing almost nothing today. Not nothing...just quiet stuff.

Cooking soup for an early pre-liturgy supper (we don't even TRY to pretend we are able to keep the fast for vesperal liturgies, so we don't take communion on these nights...it's just SO not happening) so we could go to Church at six was my own personal Mount Everest today. I was that tired. It took me forty-five minutes to chop two onions, a few carrots, a few leeks, half a head of cabbage and then clean up after. It's a miracle I did not cut myself.

And then, of course, the soup was rejected by half the members of my family. Fortunaately there were also some date stuffed baked cinnamon apples.

And I did not go to Church. I was simply too tired. So yeah...that dark place rears it's ugly head.

So, deep breath. I will think of some stuff to be grateful for:

I'm grateful for the sunshine.
I'm grateful for my wonderful husband.
I'm grateful that St. Herman helped me find my keys again.
I'm grateful that the day is over.
I'm grateful for my knitting...it helps me to relax.

3 comments:

Dedfa said...

I think you are a very strong woman. It takes a lot of strength to keep going when depression hits.

Renee said...

http://reneesuz.blogspot.com/2012/02/tangy-peanut-soup.html

meatless soup recipe that mine loved - other thanpicking around the onions

elizabeth said...

hugs. It is not easy but keep on keeping on - Christ will not leave or forsake you. Love to you.