Friday, March 04, 2011

Self Examination

One of the things I am determined to do as I travel along this weight loss journey of mine, is to reflect on the inner workings of my psyche and my motivations and my REASONS for over eating.

I no longer want to be blind to that darker side of me that sometimes just wants to EAT and eat heedlessly.

Following the Weight Watchers program is like keeping a river within it's banks. For years I've always chastised myself for not having natural banks to my "eating river" if you will allow me to use such an analogy.

Finally, I just simply accept that left to my own devices, my food consumption meanders all over the place and floods me. I'm obese. How can it be otherwise. I need limits and boundaries and I'm ever so grateful to WW for giving me those.

So, this evening has been one of those times when I feel myself in the danger zone. After eating too much at supper (and yet, dutifully counting the points and knowning exactly how much that was, grateful for the balancing effect of that weekly point allowance), I told my husband that I felt myself to be in that dangerous mood when I want to throw caution to the wind and just EAT.

This mood comes upon me sometimes. Here are some factors:

-It is Friday night. I have a feeling of wanting to kick back and relax, and not be "working". I can take a step back from this feeling acknowledge it, and do something ELSE besides eating to relax. And yes, I eat to relax. I see this about myself now. This is very good information for me to have.

-I had a fun day visiting some friends, but it ended up being stressful for my son with Asperger's syndrome in the end, and he just got fried from too much stimulus and noise and had to get out of there. I had to end my visit before I wanted to, but it was for the good of my son. But it was a sacrifice, and sacrifices often make me want to indulge myself....a reward for good behavior and my sacrifices, if you will. This is also good information for me to know about myself.

-When I'm tired I want to eat. When I'm stressed I want to eat.

I used to think I never ate for such reasons.

It's good to acknowledge to myself that I DO indeed have the urge to eat in such situations.

So, the self examination is valuable if it helps me to step back and figure out what's going on inside, and find a new way to deal with the feelings and urges that drive me.

And that, my friends, is why I think THIS TIME WILL BE DIFFERENT.

3 comments:

Laura said...

Alana, I have much the same issues!! The past 18 months have been a journey of self discovery for me and I'm still on that journey. I am at my "goal weight," but when it ticks up a little from week to week and I begin to worry about gaining all the weight back I worked so hard to get off. It's hard to settle and realize that "yes," I need to eat with the right motivation, ie, when I'm hungry. But also, not to let a big part of my self identification be tied into a number on the scale. It's *so* hard and I'm still trying to sort it out. Some days, it's harder than others. The past couple of months have been very hard as family stresses of different sorts have entered into the fray...it's easy to try and over control what goes into my mouth because at least I have control over something...or to let the chaos around me invade the chaos in my eating habits and turn to my old friend, "chocolate" just a little too much.

At any rate, I applaud you for taking the steps and am praying for you on your journey. May God grant you wisdom and peace of mind!

Cheesehead Chris said...

Bravo! You are not alone!

Alana said...

It's so easy, on this ETERNAL (in my case) front end of the weight loss journey, to imagine that all the issues will go away at that fantasyland goal weight. I'm learning that they won't, which makes the healthy dealing with those issues in the now just the same as the continued healthy dealing with of those issues in the future "then". I'm hoping there's some reward for me.