Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Trust Issues

When it comes to weight loss, I totally have trust issues. I don't trust my body. I don't trust the program to work on my body. I don't trust myself to STAY on the program, etc etc. blah blah blah.

Obviously this is something I am working on.

The staying on program I can control form one day to the next. I'm happy to say I survived Valentine's weekend. Admit it, fat folks: If there is a candy/chocolate eating occasion such as V day or Easter, the days before and after, or the two days before, or whatever, are uniquely temptatuous as well. (How do you like my new word? It's a combination of tempestuous and temptation.) In my case it was this weekend. I was shopping for some valentine's treats for my daughter's American Heritage Girls troop, and found myself in the candy aisle. Mmmmm, Lindor truffle balls!

Yes I bought them. And yes, although sharing a few with my kids, I DID EAT most of them. All of them, actually, over the course of two days.

But get this: I COUNTED THEM in my tracker. Oh, and then there were the sugar free chocolate cupcakes I bought at our parish bake sale to help raise money for Church. Those I DID count, too.

Happily, my husband bought me flowers, not chocolates. That's so very kind and supportive of him.

So, here's where trusting the program to work, and trusting my body to work with the program would come in handy.

Because even though I'm well within range, on track etc. blah blah blah, it's really really hard to let go of the fear, especially the "I ate some chocolate" fear.

So, today I'm just going to work on letting go of the fear whenever my gut clenches a little bit and it grips me.


In other news: Last week I pushed it too hard and this week that mono-feeling of easy tiredness has been back to haunt me. I pretty much need a three hour nap in the afternoons. I may as well just plan for it. So the walking has NOT been going on this week. Now I will forever have in my head the question: Is it mono or fibro? Same dif, in many ways, but a slightly different way of being fatigued and in pain, believe it or not. Sort of like the Eskimos have twenty different words for snow, I guess.

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