Sometimes I seriously question the value of continuing this blog. But I've been doing it for so long that I find it difficult to give it up. And I'm vain/narcissistic enough to feel like I have enough "fans" (semi-regular readers who don't know me in real life) who would be sad to see me go.
So I continue on. This is just one of those late night self-reflection posts that you all have to put up with (or skip over) occasionally, I guess.
When I first started blogging I was full of so called deep thoughts. It was shortly after my conversion to Eastern Orthodox Christianity, and I was full of stuff to write. Convertitis, I'm sure.
And then there's been all the drama with B's health, and dealing with that. And then there's been my fibromyalgia. And lets not forget my crafting/sewing bits. Those bits might be interesting. Who knows?
And so somehow this blog has morphed from something rather self-aware and theological/spritual to posts such as the one's I've been making which amount to homemaker caveman speak, in my opinion. Pretty low level blogging.
For that, I apologize. I officially recognize that somewhere along the lines, I have ceased thinking deep thoughts. That's not to say I've ceased thinking spiritual thoughts...or that I've ceased praying. Not at all. It's just that those things don't present themselves as good things to blog about. Sort of like I don't blog about my sex life. Some things are private.
And so I see my blogging shrinking and shrinking and shrinking some more... and I don't know where it's going to end up, in the end.
I admire people who blog well. But I seriously wonder if I am one of them. (I suspect not, and honestly, I'm NOT fishing for compliments.) I often say in real life that I see one of my missions in this life to be the fact that God put me on earth to make other people glad they are not me (said in a funny humorous way, not in a self pitying way, please don't misunderstand). Sometimes I wonder if that's what this blog will ultimately represent.
I don't have any worldy success in life. I don't have any riches or much beauty. I barely have patience and my passions violently battle my virtues. I struggle. And life is real and real life is hard. And I love God and I love His Holy Church and all that stuff. And I get down and I get lonely and I pray for people even if I'm not standing in my prayer corner while I'm doing it. And I hope in the end I'm a good and faithful servant. That's all. And so I end up blogging the nitty gritty.
I hope that's enough.