Sunday, October 10, 2010

Sheesh, what has happened to this blog?

Sometimes I seriously question the value of continuing this blog. But I've been doing it for so long that I find it difficult to give it up. And I'm vain/narcissistic enough to feel like I have enough "fans" (semi-regular readers who don't know me in real life) who would be sad to see me go.

So I continue on. This is just one of those late night self-reflection posts that you all have to put up with (or skip over) occasionally, I guess.

When I first started blogging I was full of so called deep thoughts. It was shortly after my conversion to Eastern Orthodox Christianity, and I was full of stuff to write. Convertitis, I'm sure.

And then there's been all the drama with B's health, and dealing with that. And then there's been my fibromyalgia. And lets not forget my crafting/sewing bits. Those bits might be interesting. Who knows?

And so somehow this blog has morphed from something rather self-aware and theological/spritual to posts such as the one's I've been making which amount to homemaker caveman speak, in my opinion. Pretty low level blogging.

For that, I apologize. I officially recognize that somewhere along the lines, I have ceased thinking deep thoughts. That's not to say I've ceased thinking spiritual thoughts...or that I've ceased praying. Not at all. It's just that those things don't present themselves as good things to blog about. Sort of like I don't blog about my sex life. Some things are private.

And so I see my blogging shrinking and shrinking and shrinking some more... and I don't know where it's going to end up, in the end.

I admire people who blog well. But I seriously wonder if I am one of them. (I suspect not, and honestly, I'm NOT fishing for compliments.) I often say in real life that I see one of my missions in this life to be the fact that God put me on earth to make other people glad they are not me (said in a funny humorous way, not in a self pitying way, please don't misunderstand). Sometimes I wonder if that's what this blog will ultimately represent.

I don't have any worldy success in life. I don't have any riches or much beauty. I barely have patience and my passions violently battle my virtues. I struggle. And life is real and real life is hard. And I love God and I love His Holy Church and all that stuff. And I get down and I get lonely and I pray for people even if I'm not standing in my prayer corner while I'm doing it. And I hope in the end I'm a good and faithful servant. That's all. And so I end up blogging the nitty gritty.

I hope that's enough.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't know you and I read your blog whenever you write. Your last paragraph explains exactly why I read it. I don't want to read about someone's perfect ideal life, with their perfect homeschooling and perfect children and perfect spiritual life. I want to relate somehow to somebody who struggles along just like I do. Keep it up while you want to, but don't feel pressure to blog, because it will become a burden. You are appreciated just as you are.

mamajuliana said...

DITTO to Anonymous!

I have the same 'trouble' blogging as you do. I don't have the talent for 'deep thought theological or spiritual' entries. OF course you can probably tell when I am sort of going through a 'revival' period in my life...short lived and few and far between actually!

It is mostly about the small stuff and I often wonder why anyone would be interested...I guess I am vain too!

But I think it is all about the small stuff in a way. It is nice to read little snippets of the life of other (more or less) normal people who are trying to live the Christian Orthodox life...like you. It helps me know that I am not alone with the craziness and the loopy stuff that goes on in my life. AND that I am not alone with the 'everybody is sick, too much laundry, not enough healthy food-oh heck lets get a pizza for dinner I am too tired to cook' life too.

God loves us in our littleness in our normalcy and in our boring blogging, too!

I wish that I could be like those super-bloggers, I really don't know how they put it all together and have time to write those inpirational, homeschooling, spiritual deep thought posts! (And all that with 5 or 6 kids!)

But I am not one of those ladies...I have to face that...
I guess that is part of getting real with myself. I guess I am jealous of them.

Sorry to post such a long comment...but I really think your blog helps!

I'm gonna go do laundry and boring stuff now!

elizabeth said...

would not worry too much about it. I read your blog because I like you and want to know how you are doing. most of us are not perfect you know and being a Christian is hard and so here we are struggling together and seeking to pray for each other as we can. I would miss you for sure because you are a real person; thank God we don't have to have any blog we are a 'fan' of in the terms of someone that is more a fake-idol in a perfect world but rather like a blog because we care about the person, not a fake online personality! Love to you this day.

Tracy said...

Everything the first comments say I could truthfully repeat. I rarely comment on any blog but I have read yours since you started and have commented a few times. I would miss you if you left.

lisa samson said...

I'd be very sad if you stopped blogging, Alana.

G. K. said...

I don't want to be boringly repetitive, but I have to agree with all the other comments - I don't even have my own computer - I have to wait for a break or after work, to check blogs/e-mail, etc. but, I really like reading about 'real people' with 'real lives' - even though I sometimes don't check in for quite awhile & have to "play catch-up" (like I'm doing now), I still want to know what people are doing (the supposedly "boring" stuff is what real life is about & why we like you - you're someone we can relate to - we all have to do the boring stuff in life!).
Thank you! And, as someone else said, don't feel pressured to keep blogging, but keep it up, if you want to - I will keep wanting to check in & see how things are going.
(I've started the "Inquirers Class" at the Orthodox Church I'm being called to, so even though I'm not "there" yet, I'm praying for you and your family.)
g.