Saturday, May 29, 2010

Begin Again

I'm officially disgusted with myself. It's my eating. I fell off the low carb wagon, and even though I was on the low carb wagon, I wasn't on it very well. You see, I have a cookie addiction. No matter what diet I'm on, I find a way to make "legal" cookies. Obeying the letter of the law, but not the spirit of the law.

For some reason, I can make and follow all kinds of food rules that involve not eating beans, or not eating carrots, or even sometimes not eating certain fruits. But as soon as you tell me I eat too many cookies, I'll have an excuse. If you say I should cut out the cookies, I say: Ok, must be the sugar, so I make sugar free cookies. Or I'll use coconut flour and make them low carb and thereby be even more virtuous.

Never mind that 1/24th of the pan has more than 150 calories and like 30 grams of fat, and who ever heard of me just eating one? After all, they are legal! They are free! And if I eat them when I'm hungry I'm not doing anything wrong, right?

Um, well, I suppose I can do that, right? As long as I don't mind staying obese.

I clearly want to have it both ways and it's time I wake up, grow up, and realize that I can't and never will and never can have it both ways.

I'm not so special. I think anyone who eats as many cookies and iced coffees, and slathers as much butter onto their food as I do would be 50 pounds overweight.

I need to change my eating habits and not just my cookie recipes. And I need to change how and what I cook.

And all while not going overboard on the carbs. It's a tall order. Somehow I am starting this journey again, and again, and again. And I never get to my goal.

Anyone who has been reading this blog for any amount of time knows this is a huge, boring and never ending issue for me. I yammer on and on. It's been on my mind of late.

So today I wrote down what I typically eat in a day. I was brutal, and so were the numbers staring back at me at the bottom of the page. I counted the carbs, I counted the calories, and I counted how many Weight Watchers points that would all represent. Oh my. The carbs weren't that low, the calories were whopping and so were the WW points.

I can do better. I really can do better.

So here's to new beginnings...again.

7 comments:

elizabeth said...

it takes time and often we turn to a certain food for comfort when we feel anxious or distressed - for me it was carnation instant breakfeast chocolate - then my naturopath said no more of that. so I gave it away. but wow, I wanted some today!

sending you a hug and love to you today!

Anonymous said...

You know what, bravo for continuing the fight of keep dusting yourself off and picking yourself up! It will be a lifelong battle for me when it comes to food. May God help us all with all of our hurdles!
Mira

thegeekywife said...

YOU CAN DO IT!

I'm relearning some food habits myself. Let's do it together!

thegeekywife said...

Also, you are way ahead of the healthy eating curve bec you know how to cook. :) Most Americans don't cook, myself included.

Anonymous said...

I am blessed by your honesty, with readers and with yourself, and by how clear it consistently is that God has you so well in hand!

Veiled Glory said...

Getting up one more time than you fall = win.

margaret said...

I don't like cookies but if there was a plate of them sitting here I'd stuff them in my mouth anyway
:(

Prayers for victory this time.