17Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls:
18Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation.
This verse from the Holy Prophet Habakkuk was read in Matins this morning. It was what I clung to the two times Wes was unemployed and I descended into utter panic (the way I've done this week). And yet, in those times, God cared for us. We never missed a meal and our bills were somehow paid.
A good reminder of what is what. God is in control and he knows our needs. I need to learn to rest in him. This fear of mine is sin, plain and simple. (I tend to reduce my view of my own sinfulness to how many times I yelled at my kids, but in reality this lack of trust in God goes a bit deeper, doesn't it? A good lenten lesson.)
Our family was able to make it to the Liturgy of the Pre-Sanctified Gifts this night. Beautiful haunting lenten service. So good to take communion. At the end, the choir (that includes me) was up in the choir loft and we were singing "On the Banks of the Rivers of Babylon" as the congregation went forward to kiss the cross and receive a blessing. Bishop Mark was there with the blessing cross. And then everyone left. And we finished singing. Everything in the nave was dark, the only light coming from the sanctuary area. And His Grace stood there, in the empty nave with the cross and waited, facing the dark. And just seeing him there, holding that cross, waiting patiently and lovingly for us, the last his spiritual children to finish up, to come down and receive that blessing was so very very special. I captured that scene in my minds eye and I don't think I'll ever forget it.
Before Church, I was preparing a dinner to eat afterwards, and I put some vegetable soup on to cook. Then I accidentally fell asleep and woke up to a smoky smell. Yes, I burned the soup. I managed to rescue the veggies, and they actually were edible. We were all so hungry after Church that we devoured them.
I found out today that our insurance has a $750 individual deductible, which B will meet right quick. This will help us.
It also occurred to me that one reason B's meds are so expensive might be the denominations of pills that were prescribed: 150 20 mg pills per month. I did some sleuthing, and I believe that if the prescription is written as 30x40mg and 30x60mg, then it will cost us half the amount. A hundred a month is certainly more do-able than twice that. I'll call the doctor tomorrow and ask that it be called in like that.
I looked into it, and we don't qualify for the free drugs, since we do have health insurance with drug coverage.
I went for a walk in the freezing cold yesterday and I saw shoots of new green grass, and I saw little bright spring green henbit leaves along the edges of grassy places, buds on trees, daffodil shoots coming up through the ground, and some cardinals pursuing each other in a mating dance. Even though things are cold right now, there is hope. Spring is coming and nature knows it.
We are well into Lent now, and things are hard for many, I believe. God is always good and even my fearful and broken heart is learning to trust Him. I think the theme songs running through my head this week are: "Out of the depths I cry to Thee O Lord", and "There is no help for us, no other help than Thee..." and now the "Though the fig tree does not blossom" verse as well.