Friday, November 06, 2009

False Fixes

My house is a mess because I've been so busy doing things like running to the library, running errands buying things that people in this family need, etc. I can barely wrap my head around what's for dinner and I'm just plain tired and behind.

And oh. so. tired. I mentioned that.

Today is the kind of day when I'm tired, aching all over, stressed, busy and very very very prone to depression. OK, prone to is an understatement. Depressed.

I was really struggling today at stuffmart. I had to go there to buy a hat and some camping dishes for my boyscout, printer ink...stuff like that, and while I was meandering along, I was oh so tempted to feel so very very down about myself. The depression is always expressed as disssatisfaction with my own person...my looks, my clothes (those are easy to change, aren't they... but my brown dress project is making me realize that is a false fix) my body, my hair, my personality, my weaknesses...when I get depressed my thoughts just attack me, and my feelings take over.

And when I'm tired and achy, all I want to do is curl up and eat something soothing, drink something soothing...fattening. The temptation is there, but it's not cure for tired and achy. Just a fix for hungry...but not tired and achy.

I'm still feeling unwell and depressed, and I know I have many more miles to go before I sleep. But go and do I must. People are depending on me. The biggest thing is driving out to Taylorsville to take my dd to a sleepover birthday party. Wish I didn't have to drive out to Taylorsville. But once that's done, everything else can be shoved off until tomorrow. And I really really am glad she's been invited to a birthday party.

OK, so what's the point I'm trying to make: Clarity, I guess. I blame the brown dress project for the clarity. False fixes can be avoided with the help of God and sometimes it's OK to just be tired and a bit depressed without a fix. "His mercies are new every morning."

1 comment:

elizabeth said...

Sounds like a rough day and that you need a bit of time to be quiet and not be doing errands.

I struggle with my thoughts too, esp. when I am tired or not feeling well.

My love to you this day and my small prayers.