Sometimes I wish I had a food blog. Lately this blog has almost been a food blog, but not quite. I don't know if I'll ever get there, but part of me really wishes I could be one of that chic club of organic locovores who are amazing, who cook, who write well about it, and who are food renegades.
I'm talking about www.foodrenegade.com, www.cheeseslave.com and www.organicthrifty.com, among others.
But I'm too new at this. And I'm fat.
And being fat, I feel like I'm totally and utterly disqualified to talk in a reasonable way about healthy food and actually get an audience to listen to what I say, even if I'm saying the exact same things as all these appropriately-weighted writers who are saying the same things.
Who wants to read a food blog about being healthy that's written by a fat person? Nobody, that's who. Because obviously whatever I'm doing has not been being done long enough to make a difference...or at least not a difference that counts in the way of our sick society's one-and-only measure of health: Body weight.
This makes me infinitely sad. I hate being fat. I hate Eating disorder/disordered eating, thinking about it, obsessive thoughts about it, all of it. Hate, hate, hate this aspect of me. Working on it, getting help for it, but you know: Some things I can do and some things are out of my control. I can (and do) exercise. I can watch what and how much I eat (which I also do), but I can't MAKE my body get thinner. And so far, all the controlled portions, healthy oils and whatnot are doing such slow good that no one can tell. Not even me. At least not on the scale. Well, maybe three pounds.
But my skin and hair...they sure look great.