Tuesday, October 21, 2008

What I said...

...versus what I meant.

Last Saturday at Handmaidens meeting, some folks were suggesting that I ought to make the trek back for Handmaidens meetings once a month, from Louisville.

I said, rather vehemently I think, something to the effect of "No, I can't come back! Let me go!"

I know what was being said was an expression of love. I feel loved, that was wonderful. What I meant by that, is that when we move, as hard as it is to say goodbye and to "let go", we really need to firmly plant ourselves in our new parish.

This does not mean we won't show up at St. Athanasius now and again. We fully plan to do so. We plan to come back for baptisms and such, for sure.

St. Athanasius will always be the place where we became Orthodox Christians, and for that reason will always be "home" in the sense that one might "go home" to Grandma's house for a special occasion or whatnot. It's our launch pad.

But we also need to find a new home at St. Michael's.

I did not mean, by what I said to in any way reject my dear sisters and brothers at St. Athanasius. Not at all. I get a big lump in my throat and gut just thinking about saying goodbye. I can barely even picture our nave with everyone gathered and the icons and the choir and the prayers ascending without wanting to cry.

I have a hard time imagining what it will be like to make our home outside of the OCA, with a new bishop and a new priest. These are big changes.

And our decision to move to Louisville has nothing to do with any form of rejection of our Church family, but rather it is necessary for the survival of our biological family. Louisville is where God has provided work for Wes, and for that we are grateful. The past two years have been very hard, wearing and wearying, on us, what with Wes driving to and from Louisville every day. He's tired. I'm tired. The kids are tired. Most nights we don't have family dinner and he usually rolls through the door in time for evening prayers at 8:30 or so-if we're lucky. Not the way we want our family life to go.

So, dear blog-readers-who-go-to-St.-Athanasius , please know that we WILL show up from time to time, and we WILL keep in touch and we DO still love all of you and we WILL keep receiving the bulletin and the prayer list (and keep praying for you). Our cell phones will still be 859, so not long distance. And I'll still be blogging, for what it's worth.

And we'll keep our noses plastered to the wall on facebook, too.

I love you all so much and I'm sorry if I caused offense.


elizabeth said...

i have had to leave three other Orthodox church homes because i was a student; i understand how hard it is to communicate things when you are moving.

You and family are on my prayer wall...

marciazenaida said...

moving is a trial - i am praying for all of you - especially the kids

H and S said...

I'm sure this is a really hard time for you. I remember lots of moves as a kid and as a teenager - very unsettling, and I never liked new places, but I ended up making friends eventually.

What jurisdiction will you be joining? Not OCA, you say?

Alana said...

We'll be Antiochian.

Mimi said...

Even though I've not moved church homes, I know what you mean. There's a mission that is closer to me, but it isn't home.

Tabitha said...

Sometimes it is so hard to truly face the fact that you guys are really leaving. Every once in a while I let myself contemplate the holes you will leave behind. Usually I try to shy away from it and assure myself that things don't really have to change that much. You'll still be blogging, we'll still chat on the phone. Nevertheless, the holes are still there. I will dearly miss seeing you every weekend. It has been good to worship together these many years. I will especially miss you on St. Nicholas Day and Forgiveness Vespers and the Feast of Julianna of Lazarevo and Theophany and so many other things. But all that being said, I want all the best for you and yours at St. Michael's and in Louisville. I am also excited for you for this new step. Bittersweet. Just like chocolate.

Alana said...

I think chocolate is sweeter. Even the dark stuff.