Sunday, June 15, 2008

Pentecost Sunday...

Oh, I could use some joy in the Holy Spirit right about now! Comforter, comfort me! ...all of it.

I'm convinced that I (and my family) are put on this earth so that others can be glad in their blessings and grateful that they are not us.

Did I mention that I struggle with depression? Oh, yeah. Time and time again. I sure wish there was an apple cider vinegar depression cure. (Seems to cure everything else, so why not?)

I'm being a good person and staying off carbs and sugar (as per doctor's orders), eating lots of fresh veggies etc., and I'm on my guaifenesin (which scientific genetic study has recently been published to the cheering vindication of all guai users and those who have known all along that fibromyalgia is genetic) and I'm taking a multi-vitamin and a B-complex each day. And I'm off caffeine.

And. I. Am. Barely. Functioning. My energy levels are SO LOW. (Please don't spam me with suggestions that I take a certain herb or drink Kombucha...etc. Those would block my guaifenesin protocol and I'm not interested.

So, I could use some joy in the Holy Spirit. Some comfort. Some filling up. Cuz Lord, I am EMPTY!

Today's Church picnic was a fiasco for my family because somehow I missed the announcement that it was "Bring your own stuff and blanket and food" and I thought it was being done common meal style. So my big platter of chicken with no plates, napkins, or anything else, didn't do so well.

I, of course, spent most of the morning in tears over it, and then my family just packed up and went home as soon as liturgy was over.

And so it goes.

Did I mention that I could use with some Holy Spirit filling right about now? But since I can't really manipulate God, all I can do is ask.

I'm so thoroughly aware of my own sinful lack of faith and lack of gratitude and self pity and all those negative things that I struggle with/against constantly. God have mercy!

O Heavenly King, Comforter Spirit of Truth, Who art everywhere present and fillest all things, Treasury of good things and Giver of life: Come and dwell in us, and cleanse us of all impurity, and save our souls, O Good One.

Happy Pentecost!

7 comments:

Caldonia Sun said...

Dear Alana,

No advice from me, but just know someone hears you. May God renew and restore joy to you.

gemma said...

Oh, Alana, I so wish I could be nearby and help you through this. I truly do know how you feel...not the fibro thing but all the rest. I know you know that tomorrow is another clean and bright day and just cling to whatever to get to that! God loves us - He's already saved our souls and you have to rest in the palm of His hand for a minute. Make that more than a minute.

Veiled Glory said...

May the Holy Spirit fill you with joy! Amen.

Mimi said...

Oh dear, those days just are awful. I'm so sorry.

Come, Holy Spirit, Come!

margi said...

I will pray for you and I hope things pick up soon.

H and S said...

Alana I was about the recommend Fr Lawrence Farley's Akathist "Jesus: Light to Those in Darkness" but then I remembered that it was your blog that led me to it in the first place. Don't forget about it!

I will pray for you.

ragamuffin diva said...

I hear you, Alana. I've battled the beast--and it won!--almost since I returned from Africa. Had a brief respite and now it's back, though admittedly, not as bad as before.

Heck, I'm thinking of trying the ACV just to see. ;)

Sometimes I wonder if this depression isn't more gift than burden. It certainly keeps me reaching for God, but--if indeed there's a shred of truth to that--I wish I had the good sense to pursue my Lover without it.

That prayer is among my favorite. It reveals so much about the Holy Spirit. Thanks for reminding me of How good She is.