Whenever I read blogs by women who just glory in home-making, I'm a bit flummoxed. I will freely admit, that I don't quite "get it". See, I have this love-hate relationship with my whole "homemaker" status. Since graduating from seminary, I've never been anything but a stay-at-home mom. And now a homeschooling mom on top of that.
And I like my life. But I HATE the "homemaking" part of it. OK, the fun stuff is fun. I like making things...sometimes. I like baking and cooking...sometimes. I like having the freedom to set my own schedule. I like being with my kids each day. I like teaching them.
But I loathe housework. Did I use a strong enough word? The dusting, scrubbing, washing parts. Just. Hate. It. Because it's nasty and has to be done again and again. And it stays nasty. And it keeps getting undone. And my house is shabby without the chic. So I feel perpetually defeated by the grungy reality of it all.
Cleaning house is so not creative. One reason I like making things, is that it's a way to spend my time productively, and I'll have something nice, like a shawl or a quilt to show for it, that I can point to and say: I made this and it is good.
The cleaning is not like that.
I wish I could walz though my days with a good routine (think flylady) and a decluttered house and breezes blowing through the windows and a vase of flowers on my lace-bedecked table. But alas, it is not so. I can't ever seem to make myself.
And we are all suffering a BAD case of homeschooling-this-year burn-out. Unfortunately, because of my dd's illness last winter, there were many weeks when school just did not happen. And now we have about five weeks of doubling up on lessons in order to get done and have a bit of a summer break before we launch into another school year. So my son stares at the wall, and my youngest dd needed me to take her by the hand and walk through much of her lesson orally. I'm ready to do that with ds as well, just so he'll be done for the day and I can go for a walk or something.
Furthermore, I wish I weren't so negative so often on my blog. The reason is, I tend to be a bit of an Eeyore in real life as well. My background noise sounds more like penitential psalmody than twinkling fairy music, I guess.
And I suppose it's impossible to change one's basic personality. And I suppose I should channel some of these restless feelings into a nice angry bout of housework. OR a nice non-angry bout of housework. Now THAT would be an accomplishment!
But the fact is, if I were to succeed in charming the birds from the trees, I'd have bird corpses to contend with.