We were studying the resurrection of Christ, and the raising from the dead of Lazarus yesterday in our home school. One of the kids reminded me of the time I'd told them how St. Lazarus, after being raised from the dead, saw a man stealing a clay pot and laughed, saying "Clay stealing clay!"
That's the perspective I want to have. Clay.
I get so tied up in home angst. Our home is not beautiful or anything like that. It's small, and all our furniture is old and thrift-store chic. I regularly have to take the sin of envy to confession after I've been in someone else's home. Others do it so much better than I do. It being both home decorating, arranging, and cleaning. Package deal. Knowing what to spend money one, where to shop, etc. factors in, too. I'm so bad at that.
And I get particularly bogged down in bad feelings when I force myself to come face to face with dirt. How do other people get their stove fronts so clean? I can't manage it. And the dirt around the edges of the floor...I suppose I ought to get down on my hands and knees and do something about it. But I don't. Not usually. And at least ten times as I've done laundry this week I've thought I should grab a spray bottle and scrub off the outside of the laundry machines, but I haven't yet. Something else always distracts me. It's not that I've done nothing but crochet and read books, though, either...whole wheat banana muffins just came out of the oven, the cat box got cleaned today, laundry, kitchen and bathroom floors mopped, schoolwork supervised, tests graded, etc.
And yet whatever I do seems like never enough.
Clay envying clay. The dust of the earth worrying about the dust of the earth.
Now love for my family requires that we at least keep this place habitable and not utterly disgusting. Don't get me wrong. It's hard to pray in a nasty house. Or to practice hospitality.
It's just that those bad feelings I have about it all need to go to....Well, anyways, the whole Mary and Martha thing...
I much prefer the Mary thing...but cleaning house and cooking good food is still necessary.
OK, now I'm officially rambling. I just wanted to talk about putting the struggle in its proper perspective, since I always figure I'm not the only one who struggles thus.