Friday, December 21, 2007

USA and Torture

I think anyone would have to be really naive to think that our government does not regularly find ways to flout Geneva conventions, commit various war crimes, and torture prisoners. The other guy is doing it, so why can't we? Or why can't we at least get "the other guy" in on the act and let him do it for us? (Just for the record, I truly and deeply wish America were the white hat wearing, upstanding nation that we like to image ourselves to ourselves as being. I know we are not, and it saddens me, and I'm against torture of all forms.

Peace, goodwill towards all men, and all that stuff. 'Tis the season...

So here is my small offering for Geneva-convention friendly softening-up techniques our government might consider using instead of heinous activities such as waterboarding and electric shock. Just looking around at the faces I've seen, I think people exposed to this stuff regularly get pretty worn out and could use a break:

-acquire those couch beds that hospitals provide for family members to sleep on, for the POW's. Fail to supply instructions on how to set them up properly, so for the 50% who sleep on them half way extended, they will break down and give us information much sooner than the others, but even for the fully-extened sleepers, I'd only give it a month.

-Pipe bad Christmas music into prison cells at top volume 24/7. If this takes too long, pipe in an overlay of incessant tantruming toddler screams.

-Give the prisoners everything they need, but make sure it's poorly made plastic crap version from China that breaks down after the second use. Do not provide replacement nor means of disposal. Do not supply instructions on assembly.

-Strap prisoner to a chair and place it in the pink and purple Barbie and Bratz doll aisle at the toy store for an indefinite amount of time.

-If the Christmas music doesn't work, switch to anything from High School musical 1 or 2.

-If prison rations don't work, feed them hospital food.

-Assign each prisoner a nerdy ten-year old who speaks incessantly of nothing but Pokemon, whether or not the prisoner is actually listening or comprehending the nuances of what is being said about the game.

-Make the prisoners fold laundry while a toddler is standing by to unfold and scatter the laundry as fast as it can be folded.



But seriously:

God have mercy on ALL those who are imprisoned without cause. (And also/even those who are imprisoned with cause). Have mercy on them, and show them your comfort.

5 comments:

Theodora said...

I don't have much experience with the rest of it but the bad Xmas music would sure send me raving and babbling everything I knew within about...two days. Aiee!!

Funny but right on target, imo. Watch it, the FBI is probably reading your post right this minute...

Alana said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Eric said...

Make prisoners sit in a room with a computer geek explaining how he just leveled his wizard in World of Warcraft, and how he did it.

Mimi said...

Lord have Mercy, Lord have Mercy, Lord have Mercy.

I giggled at the Pokemon idea, though. I've been through more conversations about the minute details of the characters than I'd like to remember.

Liz in Seattle said...

I've been "talked at" rather than "talked with" about Pokemon, more times than I can count. I've also done the rest of this, but not at the same time.

Maybe the government should screen its prisoners for sensory integration disorder, and throw those who would most "benefit" into a mall at 6PM on Christmas Eve. But make sure that time stands still...