I found myself having a chocolate day. Just. Feeling. Down.
It was difficult, after yesterday's nature hike left me utterly exhausted and the house messy. You see, we went out into a new growth woods, and tried to discover the wonders of nature after our early morning Divine Liturgy. Nature Journals and pencils in hand, we went exploring. Soon we saw a skunk. That was fun. Never seen one of those before that wasn't squashed on the road. He was far enough away that we weren't worried about startling him. I'm sure he heard our noise and scurried away.
Growing things smaller than bushes and trees were rare, due to the lateness of the season and the drought. We did find lots of what was either wild carrot or wild hemlock. One is poisonous (the hemlock) and the other is actually edible, in its young variety. They are so similar, it can be dangerous, though, so I would not recommend going out and chowing on wild carrot root. (The carrot has a fuzzy stalk, and the hemlock a smooth one. The carrot leaf, when crushed, smells like carrot and the hemlock is stinky....I did some internetresearch today, can't you tell?. Wild carrot seeds are a traditional birth control method, in tea. They are an abortifacient when taken as a tea, so it's best to avoid.)
So, we sketched, we observed, we sweated and hiked. We even collected algae and creek water to look at under a microscope.
All this adventure left me too tired to tidy up after dinner. Too tired to make dinner (the family had to scrounge and my teenager made a stir fry).
All this to say that I woke up with a very stiff and sore body this morning and a very very messy house. Somehow I muddled through with tidying and school work. Now, I have set the kids to cleaning the main living area. Ordering Pizza for dinner.
All this to explain why it's a chocolate kind of day.
I just got so down about the fact that I can either do bland and normal, with no energy left for anything extra or special, or I can do an abbreviated version of extra and special (never as long lasting or as energetic as I'd like) and be totally bombed for the ordinary...that includes wiping a counter top, doing a load of laundry, or cooking a meal or stringing together a coherent thought. No. Energy.
I get mad about that sometimes. Why did God dole out to our family these illnesses? I try to learn to pray "Thy will be done." I really do. Sometimes the temporal worries of this life just overwhelm me. Pray for me.
And people still have to live. Even when I'm bombed.
At my house, eleven year olds learn to cook, so I have an apprentice in the kitchen these days, and one who is fairly competent. That's a big help.
A chocolate kind of day.
I'm here to testify that after two ounces of Jamison's Ghana chocolate (one was yummy milk chocolate, and one was medicinal 85% dark chocolate....neither was "legal" on my hypoglycemia diet, I could feel the seratonin releasing as I ate. Literally.
Goodness with a side of guilt, and probably some extra muscle pain.
Feeling better now.
Pray for me, though. I can use it.