Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Alone

For some reason, I've really been struggling with loneliness this summer. I've tried to organize a weekly play date for the kids to get together with other kids from our parish, and for the moms to have a chance to chat, and while the mom chatting has been nice, for the kids its been a bust. Meanness. Ugliness and isolation.

I know my kids aren't the coolest. So, I'm trying to figure out what to do.

I also wish I had a mid-week prayer service to go to that is close by. I like a good forty-five minutes from Church, an hour during rush hour, and that's what driving to Wednesday night Vespers is. I only go when I'm teaching catechism. Which has been twice so far. Many Wednesdays, our parish only prays an Akathist, or something short like that, and the drive just kills my motivation to go down there for something that lasts less than half the time of a one-way drive.

I checked out the other two Orthodox parishes in town and neither of then do anything mid-week. Sigh.

I look around at how much energy other people have and how much I don't have, and I feel isolated in that way, too.

I don't really know what God wants for me, or from me (and my kids) during this time of aloneness. Something that I was really looking forward to with my parish has been tabled and is not going to pan out. That was going to be my "thing"....and the door closed on it. Please pray for me not to be angry or resentful, but rather to let it go and to let God have this bit of grief.

4 comments:

Elizabeth said...

sending you hugs and praying for you.

I know the feeling.

All my neighbours/friends are in work, DH works away half the week, and Dd3 has been in tears because she is smart enough at school for many of her classmates to resent her doing well, and they don`t want to play with her out of school.


Most of DD4`s classmates are on holiday or live too far way to be in easy walking distance, so it is just the two of them and me to play together.

DebD said...

prayers..

getting my kids together with friends from church is all but impossible (distance being the biggest issue). Homeschooling and friendship is a very difficult thing. It takes a lot of effort on mom's part to get kids together. I'm fortunate that there are two families in the neighborhood with nice kids, close in age to mine. But, even then, they still deal with boredom and loneliness.... and the mom's aren't exactly looking for other mom friends - so I'm out of the picture.

Prayres for you and yours.

John Nicholas said...

I wish I could identify with the problem of lonliness, but it is not something I experience very easily. Usually being alone is an energizing and self-activating experience for me, not a bummer. I know what you mean about driving to church. I dont have as long a drive, but time is time; I didnt expect to have to deal with stealing time from non-ortho. family, but it is always in the background; competing needs, etc.

Dont be so sure that those you observe really are that much healthier or energetic than you.
Lots of people are just better actors.abne

Maria said...

I'm beginning to identify with the distance issue. There's no easy way to get to the church from L. Quite a drive, and with the drama that can sometimes ensue in this house, it can be very discouraging. Wondering if it will be any easier once we're at the land. Don't think so. Hang in there. You have another Lex living comrade now.

cMaria