Thursday, February 15, 2007

On my mind

Today is one of those days when I'm having trouble getting going. I'm grumpy because I woke up at 3:45 am and only dozed fitfully with weird dreams after that. My own fault, totally. I shouldn't have had that second glass of wine. Sigh. That's what it does for me.

So, I'm head-achy, been up since six to prepare for my niece, who arrived somewhere around six-twenty. She's getting heavier every day. And is very wiggly and eating lots more. Going on three months old now. Taking care of her and homeschooling my kids are my two big triumphs in life: the things that remind me that I'm slowly getting well.

But I never really have really good days. I just kind of ache along. And then, when I've used up my limited allotment of energy each day (which, since I'm typically doing a bit more, is at the same aproximate time I used to loose my energy: early-mid afternoon) I'm done for.

My poor priest thinks I'm worse off than I am, because he only ever sees me on Saturday evenings and Sunday mornings and is therefore convinced I'm practically wheelchair bound, since I hobble in there on Saturday evenings on a cane, having done my grocery shopping earlier on a typical Saturday and thus used up ALL my energy and then some. I also can't stand for long periods of time, so the cane comes along on Sunday mornings as well. Lately my hip has been funny. It makes things look perhaps worse than they are, but it's still somewhat of a necessity...for walking when I'm exhausted, and for longer standing otherwise.

So, I was going to go to the doc yesterday for some more medicine, but weather changed those plans. I rescheduled for next week, and that's OK. And the thing is, even though at first I was grumpy about the weather cancelling my plans, I also had an unction service to go to yesterday evening. It seemed like God might have been saying to me "Me first"...

Which got me thinking: We pray daily "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done...", and yet when things don't go my way, I get grumpy? Perhaps I really need to embrace something that very well might turn out to be God's will, after all, as I go through my life and things don't always go as planned.

1 comment:

Mimi said...

Sigh. I'm sorry you had a rough day.