Friday, December 29, 2006

In the News

--Rooters:

Members of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Plants (PET-P "pet pee") gathered in a protest demonstration at the local Farmer's Market last weekend. Eating nothing but genetically engineered frankenfoods, these pale specimens had pockets bulging with McDonald's wrappers and Hostess desserts, and hips bulging to match. "It's a matter of conscience," one member who asked to remain anonymous, shared. "I mean, it's like, think about all those poor little baby carrots being ripped out of the ground while they are still tender and young! I just can't stand for it!" Others milling about murmured their agreement, while cans of Mountain Dew were passed around and candles were lit as the sun was setting. Demonstration posters sported a horrific images such as that of a little girl clutching a fistful of dandelions with the caption "STOP THE CRUELTY! PET-P FOR PLANTS!" and "PET-P Helps Your Grass Grow Greener!"

At a nearby booth scientific study results were being passed out, although results have yet to be published in a peer reviewed journal. PET-P members advocate only eating hydroponically grown free range plant and grain products. "We are worried about the effects of limiting plant movement. Humans have a bad history of expecting plants to stay in one place," quipped one booth volunteer. Another chimed in that there was a great debate raging among the PET-P scientists as to which was worse: The negative effects of chemical pesticides or the suffering plants undergo from so-called normal insect pest leaf nibbling that may occur in more organic environments.

Members acknowledge the tension that exists between the PET-P organization and other groups such as Organic Farmers Associations, PETA, and local Gardening clubs and retailers with produce departments.

Genetically modified plant products also may appear on the PET-P table. "If it's not got the plant DNA intact, then it's not a plant, and we can eat it without qualms," stated the president of PET-P. "This is about conscience, this is about morality, this is about making the world a better place for the children and the baby carrots. Surely we can find a way to live together in peace."

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