So, lately my vision has been vexing me. Today I went to the eye doc, AFTER going in for my sixmonthly teeth cleaning/tartar chiseling event. Lo and behold, I am now the owner of reading glasses as well as a new and stronger scrip for distance vision. I could have gotten them in a BIFOCAL format, but since I do sewing and reading for long stretches of time, the eyedoctor said he'd recommend a full lense of each. Usually people don't get to this point with their vision before the age of forty, he said, but thirty six isn't too far out of range. Oh, great. Just what I needed.
So, I got some cute green plastic frames for the reading glasses and some cute slightly glamorous (let me have my fantasy!!!) metal frames for "regular/distance" vision. Now I will be one of those middle aged women with glasses on a chain around her neck, because that is the only way I will EVER keep track of them.
Then, to make matters worse, I decided this would be a good day to check out the swimsuit offerings at Target. HA! The conclusion there was that I have not lost enough weight to justify getting anything other than the ugly skirted number from last year that already sits in my drawer at home. Perhaps I will pull out my sewing machine and take in the neck strap, though.
I was also shoppoing for new sofa throw pillows and decided I'd look into making them, since the ready made ones cost twenty five dollars each!!!! Maybe someday when my kids are grown...but not with children and two cats will I spend that kind of money on something that will only get coffee spilled on them.
I also admired the watches, the night gown selection, some very cool picnic baskets that I totally want, and the selection of hard floor cleaning vac/mop/scrubberthingies. Did not buy any of that stuff.
I left Target feeling distinctly blue, havning only bought a rubbermaid sipper bottle (yay water!) and some new smaller drawers that will take up less space. (You readers can mentally debate just what sort of drawers).
Why is it that I go shopping expecting a whiz bang life altering event? It's just stuff, dang it, and I'm at this place today where I KNOW the stuff is not going to change me, or make me more beautiful or happier, or anything like that. So, I could get silk pillows to sit my lumpy middle aged arse on. Or I could get a fabulous satin night gown to drape over my lumpy middle aged person. Or I could buy some cream to schmear on my lumpy middle aged face. Or I could buy some perfume to make my lumpy middle aged self smell better...whatever.
Stuff. We gotta live. We gotta put our lumpy hineys into and onto something. But in the end it's just stuff, and it's not what life is all about.
I think the sadness is really just a longing for heaven, and the yen to buy that satin night gown is really a yen for theosis, for being clothed in light. Really. I think that's what it is.
...but I still sort of want that night gown....