It's one of those restless, cold and wet mornings, in which I lack focus. So I blog my inane thoughts, procrastinating my real life.
I've spent the past two days cleaning up from and then resting from Pascha, and I"m just not back in my normal rhythm yet, even though I need to be. It wasn't really a spiritual high this year, although I did spend Sunday ridiculously full of joy, despite my bodily exhaustion. I'm trying to recover.
I need to go walking, but the weather is bad. That does not always stop me, but as sleepy as I am, it just might stop me today. I need to start counting calories again, since the feast is over. Sunday I gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted, of course, and have the acne now to prove that I did. Whenever I go off my food list, my face breaks out worse than it ever did when I was a teenager. Stuff like this keeps me humble. Too bad someone has not yet invented an anti-acne-anti-wrinkle cream that is sold for cheap at walmart. Oh, yeah, it's called Dove soap. As good as it gets.
So, on the domestic front things are pretty much back to normal, it's just ME that I'm needing to kick in the pants. ...Get out there, get the exercise you need and don't stop until you have burned x number of calories, eat perfectly, loose the caffeine again, get more sleep than you do, tidy up your house, do your volunteer work, dress well, don't forget to say your prayers, be stinkin' perfect, for crying out loud, oh, and if you can possibly manage to be beautiful and sexy while you're at it, so much the better, and for heaven's sake hate the fat...I could puke on the voices in my head. Something tells me they are not from God.
And here's the thing: all this middle class striving for American respectability, on whatever level, just turns life into a grotesque caricature of what it was meant to be in the context of the process of theosis. A grand distraction, if you will. Not that I wouldn't exercise, or get the grass cut, or do some volunteer work or do much that would look externally much different. But the inside of it all, the vast universe of the mind, of the spirit...that would be a whole different universe of being!