Life Update

The college people are home from school for the semester and my son actually dropped out of school about two weeks before term ended.  He is job hunting now.  I'm not really worried about him.  I trust he will find his way in life, and probably back to school when he has tasted the joys of manual labor...just perhaps not Berea. 

Yesterday when I came in (after supper, in the evening) from a quick Walmart run, there was a small plumbing emergency happening in the kitchen:  the head of the sprayer hose on the kitchen sink had come loose.  Jamming back on was ineffective, since the water pressure kept pushing it off again.  We used lots of towels.  I finally shut off the water to the kitchen sink, and removed the hose.  10:30 pm saw me blearily wandering the hardware section of Walmart (it's right next door to my house...I walked) hunting for a kitchen sink hose/sprayer.  Those don't exist at Walmart, so I will have to go to Lowe's or Home Depot today to get the parts for that fix.  I don't mind fixing things, it's just that my day is already super busy. 

Christmas:  I suppose I should wrap stuff.  Meh.  Tree is up.  I bought a turkey to cook.  Meh.  The only thing I'm looking forward to about Christmas is Church. 

I miss healthy Wes.  Grief is a strange thing and plays ugly tricks on the mind and emotions.  Cancer took so much of Wes away from me before he was actually gone.  I don't miss the cancer and what it did to him, and I don't miss some of the ways it changed his brain....but I miss HIM.  Does that make sense? 

Things are pretty much settled after the move.  I have cleaners coming tomorrow to clean the townhome before I turn in the keys.  I still have one or two things to do there before that happens, but all my stuff is out, and I'm grateful I don't have to spend a few days there cleaning.  I can hardly stand to go over there.  I just don't like it. 

So that's my update.  I've probably been slightly dehydrated since early October or late September when Wes had his big seizure and needed constant caregiving... and life has been non-stop no rest since then, too...so I am very run down and am taking measures to take better care of myself so that I'm not sick in bed for Christmas.  I'm feeing fibromyalgia pains again and I've not had that in a very long time.  I have some other auto-immune symptoms (including more hair loss, actually) and I'm trying to figure out if I'm eating something I'm allergic to, or sensitive to, or if it's just general stress causing the flare. 

I want my life to slow down enough so that I have time and energy to work on some projects...sewing, writing maybe...something that moves me forward and is substantial, as opposed to the endless day to day cycle of life-basics-caregiving.  Did I mention that there was good news from Social Security?  Since Bethany is a disabled adult, she gets Wes' death benefits.  And since I am her caregiver, so do I!  Between us, we have a workable budget for our household.

Please add  your prayers that my son, Eric, can get hired somewhere and that he can develop some friendships with people at Church.  He also needs to start working on his driver's license.  Ugh.  I do not enjoy this single parenting solo gig.  I mean, I do enjoy parenting...but I miss Wes. He was so steady and kind.

Comments

elizabeth said…
praying for you and family. Makes total sense that you miss Wes and for the reasons you mentioned. You know they say huge grief is like when you get a huge wound - the shock at first keeps the pain away. The first 40 days are up, you moved and don't have that now to plan. With the huge stress of care-giving before that + the emotional pain of loss you are in now, well, having your body feel more pain than is normal for you with your FMS makes sense. Praying for you about this...

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