Monday, February 09, 2015

...We Used to Sit and Weep at the Thought of Zion

So yesterday in Church we dusted off "On the Banks of the River of Babylon...".  Lent is soon here, and I have echoes of Bridegoom matins services already echoing through my head:  "Oh my soul, why are you slee-eeping?"

Except, I'm NOT...or at least I don't think I am.  Spiritual sleep is not the issue for me on this cancer journey.  Yes, all of life has become "the Cancer Journey".  It fills EVERYTHING.  It tinges every joy, it enhances every sorrow.

It feels like exile.

And  while I am in a better, more hopeful place than I was a year ago, when I felt like Wes would die any second, it is STILL exile. 

Today I am full of tears once again. 

I wonder if this is how the exiles felt?  Taken captive from their homeland, awakened and weeping at their loss.  At first, perhaps, it was with the looming certainty of death...but then time settles in and there's a new-not-so-great life to be lived...in exile. 

This cancer journey feels like exile.  And some days, I want to weep. 

2 comments:

summerdays said...

Shalom dearest Alana!
Here's an e-hug for you! (Just add a bit of imagination okay?) ;-) Alana, please go to www.Breslev.co.il and order all their CD's about "Joy". (Joy: The wonder cure; Nonstop joy; Joy in any situation; Choosing life; Think good, it'll be good, Complete recovery, Moving mountains, You are not alone, etc)!
You can also email Rabbi Lazer Brody (Google him to get his email address) and ask him which CD's are the best for your circumstance. He is a beautiful person and you'll get excellent advise from him!! (Nothing to loose hey?) ;-) Many serious illnesses have been healed before with the things that are talked about on these CD's.
Praying for you guys!
Shalom aleichem!
From New Zealand

summerdays said...

Dearest Alana!
While praying this morning, I remember dat Rabbi Lazer Brody's dad also had cancer (please don't keep me to it, but if I recall correctly it was also brain cancer??) and the Doctors gave his dad 3 weeks to live! Well Rav Brody told his dad what to do and his dad lived another 9 years! ;-) HalleluYAH!
So who knows? Maybe your husband's cancer is also not to death, but a wake-up call, because our Heavenly Father wants you to hear or see something and the only way to grab your attention is by this terrible circumstance. ;-) Here's an e-hug for you! ;-)
Praying for you guys!
Shalom aleichem!
From New Zealand