Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Grateful

Why am I ALWAYS sick? I've had this cough for a week and a half now, and tomorrow I'm going to find a doctor. If my regular doc can't fit me and the kids in, we'll find an Urgent Treatment Center because...drumroll...now it feels like bronchitis.

Of course, I'm sick. I have mono. Still. Blood tests confirmed it recently, blardy-dar.

So of course it's harder for my poor body to fight off a cold. And the cold going around is a doozy. And now, it is just sitting in my brochial area, and it just aches and I cough and cough and cough.

So, these are the challenges I've been facing.

And my new Weight Watchers pedometer went through the wash. I'm hoping I can rescue it by letting it sit in a jar of rice for a few days. The rice will help dry out the electronic components and hopefully it will restore it to functionality. I've heard it can work for cell phones, so surely it will work for a measly pedometer.

Other than that, what else is going on? Sure have been laying low a lot lately, thanks to illness. I really would like to "go and do" more...ah, today I had to take Wes to the dentist, since he needed some Valium and some laughing gas to get through it all, so I had some time and I found a thrift store, and scored some sweet lace trimmed flannel pillowcases and a couple of Battenberg Lace shams. Yay! While I was there I got really nauseous and sick feeling. Probably because I was over doing it since I'm, like, sick with about three things right now.

And I SO wish I could just focus on doing nothing but lose weight. Like the contestants on the Biggest Loser (Congrats to Olivia, the winner!). But I can't. The fact that I'm losing anything at all right now is a freakin' miracle of grace from God. I'm tellin' ya.

But I'll take it. ANY movement in the downwards direction is to be celebrated.

I can already tell a difference in how easy it is to live in my body, and I'm still in the 230's. But I'm here to say, it sure as heck beats being in the 240's. Even just the little bit I've lost has made a huge difference in how easy it is to do certain things, and my knees don't hurt like they used to. I'm SO GRATEFUL for that.

I'm grateful. That's how I'm feeling these days. Grateful to be on this journey. Grateful to be able to rest when I need to rest (which is often) and grateful for each day that I get through, and grateful to be eating REAL FOOD, in NORMAL quantities and grateful for the new Weight Watchers program that is so easy to stick with and that is teaching me new eating habits. And even though I'm sick, I'm grateful for the things I'm learning through all this.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

My Tracking Game

Well, folks, I lost weight again this week. Which, on the one hand, since I have a really bad cold and I did not think my body would multi-task that well, is very astonishing, but on the other hand, since I have been faithfully tracking my points and drinking TONS of water is not surprising at all. 1.2 pounds. I'll take it.

So, have I told you all of my motivational tracking game? A few weeks back I was having a real huge struggle with tracking points faithfully and so I made some rules: For each day that I track, I get a dollar of "allowance". If I track for seven days, I get to keep the money no matter if I lose weight or gain. If I track for less than seven days, I only get to have the money from the days I tracked that week IF I lost weight.

This game is motivating me, and I am happy to report that I have earned nineteen dollars in the past three weeks, to go towards a pedicure once I've accumulated enough cash to pay for such a procedure.

I've never had a pedicure in my life. I'm a bit nervous about someone carving my hooves off. Perhaps I should contact a farrier instead?

And I've been steadily losing weight, which is the whole point of the game. Another sub point of the game is to teach myself to do with non food awards. I'm not good at that. Since I"m a fat person, it's obvious that I've tended to use food as a reward in the past. So, there's a bonus...something good to learn.

I wish I could work out, but instead I'm sitting on the couch, waiting for the results on my spleen test, nursing this mono and a cold, and drinking water. Woop dee do. When I hit twenty pounds lost, I'll put up another picture of myself.

I need to perk this blog up with more pictures, recipes etc.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Keepin' it Real!

Yeah baby! That should be the NAME of this blog. Seriously. But instead, it's the title of the FIRST EVER BLOG AWARD for me to receive!!!! I'm stoked. Thanks so much to Genevieve and her generosity, and Matushka Anna for inventing the blog award in the first place.

Yeah, I was so excited to receive this blog award, that I immediately had to have a ferocious coughing fit, sending me in search of some clean pj's (anyone whose had four kids knows what I'm talking about). See, this is what excitement does in my life and I SO don't need it. But a blog award. Now, IF I can figure out how to paste the fancy little picture here we'll all be thrilled, right? Here I go....



I got it on the second try! Just keepin' it real, folks!

...now....whom shall I nominate??????? Let me think about it.

Update: I would like to nominate Juliana from Abide and Endeavor for the "Keepin' it Real" blog award.

A Journey Towards Health

So, I went back to the doctor to talk about how my mono recovery is going and basically: It's not. I'm still sick. On top of that, me and all the kids (well, I think there might be one who has not succumbed yet) have really bad cough/congestion type colds. I'm hoping a week will see us recovered from those.

But the mono: It's been four months now, and it is STILL WITH ME, according to the bloodwork.

Clearly I'm not resting enough. I need to figure out a way to massively change my lifestyle for the next how-ever-long, so that I can get over the mono.

What else can I do? Healthy eating: doing it. Plenty of water: doing it. Exercise: Avoiding it as I am supposed to be at this time.

All this makes losing weight seem sort of funny right now. But ironically, I AM slowly losing weight. I figure if even through this adversity I can manage to change my eating habits for the better, it's only to the good.

It's really difficult to force myself to be still and NOT exercise. I want to be so much more active than I am able to be. But whenever I do ANYTHING at all, my spleen hurts.

In fact, I went and had my spleen ultrasounded on Monday. I'm still waiting for the results of that particular test. Is it bruised? Swollen? Why's it hurting? I don't know yet.

So having a nasty, massive head/chest cold this week is sort of a blessing because it's forcing me to rest, rest and rest some more. Like I ought to be doing for the mono.

I don't think it's possible for a human to eat any healthier than I'm eating. Really. I've made "all those" changes. So that's going along. What else is there that I can do, but rest and pray and eat healthier and then as I'm recovered add exercise to my life?

It seems so easy to take our health for granted. I think society often sends the message that if we are fat and obese it is our fault, and we can do everything we need to do about it to get better. But I say this: I did not set out to become fat and obese. The problem was, I did not figure out, heretofore, how to live my life so that I would NOT become fat and obese. I didn't do it on purpose, but merely failed to prevent it... but hopefully in finding the solution to this problem, I will find the solution to its future prevention as well.

Meanwhile, I need to find out how to recover from having mono. It's all the same: A journey towards health. I wish it were simple but instead it's this incredibly complicated thing.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Its a journey, not a step.

Lost another two and a half pounds this week! Woot woot. And that was with inefficient tracking over the weekend.

I'll take it. I'm not quite where I was before I blew it over Pascha, but getting closer.

Mental struggles galore, but I'm getting to the bottom of some of those nasty issues that have been bugging me for the past thirty years or so. I don't really want to blog about them, but I can guarantee you that if you have a weight problem, you probably have similar such issues.

It's good to look inside and fix what's broken. And allow God to fix what's broken. And to find the support you need in your life for this journey, because the journey towards healing is not a one-stop deal. It's a journey.

So I'm on the slow road. But I'm on the road. The weather's gotten suddenly hot here in KY and my mono has had a flare up. I wonder if I should call the doctor about the off and on pain in my slpeen area that I've been having for the past few months? Hmmmm. Sounds expensive. Hmmmm, but it's not going away on its own. Hmmmmm.

So, it's a journey not a step. I've always wanted it to be a step. But it's not. So, here's to taking the next step. And the one after that, and the one after that.

And by the way: Fage greek yogurt is FANTASTIC, super high in protein, only 3 points per cup (of the plain, fat free stuff) and makes fruit salad into a meal, not a snack. It's so creamy tasting that I could not eat a whole cup all at once. So, that's my new food find of the week.

And I've discovered I really don't care for papaya. But credit to me for trying a new food.

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Fear and Loathing in the Summer Time

Lost about three and a half this week, which gets me half way towards losing the seven pounds I'd regained during Holy Week and Pascha (Easter). I'm not convinced ANY of it is actually BODY FAT. But whatever. The lady at weight watchers never asks "And, so how were your bowel movements this week, dear?" Nope its always "Wow, this plan really works when you stick with it, doesn't it!"

Yuppers.

It may not sound like it very much, based on the level of snark that is likely leaking through here, but I really am pleased with the WW program. I like tracking. I like the accountability and I like that its very "real life" compatible. This morning I still had a slice of my daughter's chocolate birthday cake (we do birthday breakfasts because who wants cake after a full meal, right?) and counting the points and such. It's all good.

No, the snark is simply because I am TIRED OUT from a day of Hellmart, waiting forever at the beauty salon and going to COSTCO, and when I finally got home I was too dead to unload the groceries (thankfully I have minions who helped) and make dinner. So my husband got home from work and put away groceries, cleaned the kitchen which was magically gross again even though I'd done the breakfast/lunch dishes earlier in the day), and cooked supper.

And the snark is from vast amounts of fear and loathing circulating through my brain right now about the fact that summer is almost here and summer is the hardest season.

I fear summer. It means being fat in summer clothes. No, wait! I would love to be merely FAT in summer clothes. It means being OBESE in summer clothes and I just never ever know how to dress or what to wear and how to stay cool and be nice-looking and decent and modest. Gah. And then there's talk of people wanting to go swimming and that means Mom has to be out there by the pool, too and that means ME. in. a. swimsuit. Gah!

Every summer I daydream about NEXT summer when everything will be different. When I'll be thin.

I'm so sick of that stupid hope because it freaking NEVER HAPPENS. ...but this year I'm a good little weight watcher and I AM tracking and the program really really really does work cross my fingers click my heels together and spit over my left shoulder. Yeah. andIamwearingmypedometerandwalkingmorethanthefreakin'FRENCHeverydayand...and...and.


And I look in the mirror and it's fear of summer, it's self loathing and its sadness and depression. Even though I'm doing this weight loss thing, I have that tortoise charm on my bracelet to remind me that it's going to be a long haul.

I've got to figure this summer time thing out because I tend to GAIN and not lose weight when the weather heats up.