Wednesday, March 02, 2011

The Slowness of it All

I think, today, I really need to focus on accepting the slowness of my weight loss journey. Perhaps because I went to a wellness check at my husband's work place (required to get the company to chip in on insurance premiums), I have my weight on my mind.

Of course, the scale at thew wellness check was not kind to me, and I'm choosing to totally ignore it, since I have been faithfully staying on the Weight Watcher's plan of eating AND making some good/healthy/higher protein choices within plan, to boot. (Omelet not cereal for breakfast, for instance.)

So, the numbers should not bother me. But they do.

I felt a need to explain to everyone there that I'm dieting. That I'm trying to do better.

And everyone was kind and encouraging, but sometimes I wonder if there's a sense of "yeah, right, lady! Your weight is EXACTLY THE SAME!"

I wonder if my friends secretly think I'm not following the program, too. Because my progress is SOOOO SLOOOOOWWWW! Just shows how conceited my thought life is, doesn't it? I bet my friends are not nearly as judgey as I imagine them to be. Because I dont' judge them, either.

But I do judge myself rather harshly and I care too much about what I imagine people think about me. And it's ALL IN MY OWN HEAD. NONE OF IT IS REAL except in my own thoughts. The nastiness is coming from me, and directed towards me, and it's all internal.

"She must not be following the plan" I imagine the other person thinking. But the fact is, I am following the plan.
"She must be lying" I imagine the other person thinking. But I am honestly telling the truth.

"She is secretly binging." I imagine the other person thinking. But the truth is, I am not. I am tracking everything.


Because, my wretched thoughts tell me, YOU AREN'T GETTING ANY RESULTS.

That, of course, is patently untrue. I AM getting results. Just very very slowly.

I wore smaller pants yesterday. I measured myself today and I have lost an inch off my belly, an inch off my hips, half an inch off my bust, half an inch off my thighs, and an inch off my upper arms.

So, today I will choose to think some positive thoughts and I will choose to do something to nurture myself and to celebrate the progress that I've made. Hmmm....what shall it be? I tend to always want to celebrate with food (hence my problem, yes?) and so today, I will do something just for me that is non-food related.

I don't know what, yet. But when I figure it out, perhaps I'll blog about it. Or not. ;-)

3 comments:

amy said...

Good for you, Alana!

Take this that you wrote:

"I wore smaller pants yesterday. I measured myself today and I have lost an inch off my belly, an inch off my hips, half an inch off my bust, half an inch off my thighs, and an inch off my upper arms. "

And, in large font, print it out and tape it up where you'll see it frequently throughout the day.

I did this when trying to lose weight after my last pregnancy and it served me well to direct my thoughts in a positive and encouraging way.

Keep up the great work!

Lucky girl said...

I'm exactly the same. I keep thinking this should be faster, but I think if it was fast or easy than would we truly learn how to make wise choices and how to appreciate the fact that we lost 1 inch around our waist. You are doing awesome and just remember that your friends are not judging you, they are probably really proud of you!! Keep your head up!! Going shopping or go get a pedi!!

Cheesehead Chris said...

Get rid of the stinkin' thinkin' woman :). Imagine my dismay at .6 yesterday. I'm thinking "why bother?" But this AM I got on my scale in my nightie and it said 267.2 which is a pound less that the last time. So something is going on.

I have lost one inch on my waist but that is it. I'm not officially measuring again until the 15th but I needed to check.

I'm looking at it one week at a time, one day at a time and sometimes one minute at a time :(. Like right now. I want chocolate cake. Dangit!

And I'm telling as few people as possible. That way I can eliminate the feeling of expectation and judgement.