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Showing posts from February, 2011

Slice of Life

I woke up in SUCH a grumpy mood this morning, and was all clumsy in the kitchen and broke my very favorite pink glass butter dish.

Wah.

And the kids were late getting up and everyone was moving slow and there was NOTHING to eat, according to one, so I made a big batch of waffle batter and became a slave to the timer and the tending of making waffles.

And in the midst of this, I HAD had it in my head that I would read some psalms to myself while I was tending the waffles, but I kept getting talked to. Pesky thing, a family. So much for being all "spiritual".

Wah.

The waffle making took so long I finally decided we'd pray morning prayers in the midst of that process. So we did. With a few pauses for taking out the done ones and adding more batter.

Finally I abandoned the waffle batter, and we went on to our readings: Currently we are reading the Gospel of John, A Short History of the World (and we looked at that atlas maps of the places we'd read about and the …

Same

No weight loss or gain this week. That's good. Fine. Mildly disappointing but not surprising. I'm sick, you see. And I don't think my body does well with weight loss when I"m sick. I over did it on Monday (hindsight and all that) and have been paying homage to the Mononucleosis virus ever since.

But I stuck to the eating plan. So that's something to hang my hat on.

Chicken soup for dinner. Soothing for an achy body on a chilly, rainy February day. Now the dishes are in the dishwasher, and there's nothing left to do but cozy up for a while, pray some evening prayers with the family, and relax. And for that, I'm grateful.

Taking Care

"Be still and know that I am God."

I think that's what I'm supposed to learn. This mono thing has got me down again this week. I went to the zoo on Monday because I was feeling decent and have been sick ever since. My left side has started hurting again, blah blah blah. Obviously (hindsight being 20/20) I was not ready for such an outing, even though on the front end I did feel ready.

Oh well. Live and learn.

So, I'm learning to ask for help. I'm learning to say "no". I'm learning the basics of just being present with my family, and of being present in my own body. And being still and here with God.

I have to learn to listen to my body and its needs and through this process, it is amazing to me how often I ignore what my body really needs in favor of something more cerebral or emotional.

Sometimes I find that I ignore when my body says "enough"...whether it's to food, or activity, or whatever. Sometiems I find that I i…

This Time Around

I've done Weight Watchers several times before, but something is different this time around.

I'm not looking for a quick fix. I honestly don't care how long it takes to "get to goal". I'm making this more about the day to day journey. And if I happen to lose weight week by week, great. I mean, I DO want to lose weight. But I also want to learn how to live with food. Because that's the crux of the matter.

The new plan is feeling really good in my body. I'm FULL. And finally, at long last, I think I might be figuring out the correct ratio of fruits/vegetables to the rest of everything else.

The balance, in that regard, has shifted. Wee portions here and there of soaked oats, or sprouted grain bread, or one cup of whole grain pasta. But these foods MUST be limited carefully. Same with oils and fats. They are an important part of one's diet and can't be skipped, but they also MUST be measured. That's where a huge source of my ca…

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

I have lost a bit more weight this week! WW thinks I lost four pounds, but actually I probably just lost 1.8 pounds. I was wearing boots last week, and flip flops this week, thanks to the lovely lovely spring-like weather. When I got home I weighed my boots and they clocked in at 2.2#

I'll take it!

So, on my WW booklet I have lost 5.4 pounds so far. I have the gold five pound star. It's a good feeling.

I had a good week, tracked all my points, etc.

I did NOT exercise very much this week. The mono fatigue reared it's ugly head and I had to deal with that. So, lots of "Oh, it's 3:30 pm and time to crawl into bed for a couple of hours." type of days.

But life happens and I was steady on the plan. That right there, is a good thing.

After all, it's not so much about losing weight. It's about changing habits. And those habits have gotta change for a lifetime.

Trust Issues

When it comes to weight loss, I totally have trust issues. I don't trust my body. I don't trust the program to work on my body. I don't trust myself to STAY on the program, etc etc. blah blah blah.

Obviously this is something I am working on.

The staying on program I can control form one day to the next. I'm happy to say I survived Valentine's weekend. Admit it, fat folks: If there is a candy/chocolate eating occasion such as V day or Easter, the days before and after, or the two days before, or whatever, are uniquely temptatuous as well. (How do you like my new word? It's a combination of tempestuous and temptation.) In my case it was this weekend. I was shopping for some valentine's treats for my daughter's American Heritage Girls troop, and found myself in the candy aisle. Mmmmm, Lindor truffle balls!

Yes I bought them. And yes, although sharing a few with my kids, I DID EAT most of them. All of them, actually, over the course of two d…

"The Weight"

The way we use language matters. The words we choose are important.

I've always had a problem when hearing people, myself included, refer to obesity as "the weight". As in: "I need to lose 'the weight'." Or "If she could just lose 'the weight' she would be so much healther/prettier/blah blah blah."

As if "the weight" were something that can be peeled off like Eustace's dragon skin in C.S. Lewis' Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Or as if it were a fat suit that could be removed at will. As if "the weight" were something not intrinsic to the person who carries "the weight", intrinsic to that persons's way of being; lifestyle, habits, choices, emotions, choices, responses. As if "the weight" were something other than a part of that person.

But the truth as I see it is (speaking as a person who has a LOT of "the weight" hanging on her body) that until I quit keeping "the…

Stupid Pizza

This post was written last night and posted here this moring, so if the time frame might seem off, that's why.

I weighed in tonight and before tomorrow starts, I have a ginormous pile of weekly points and unswapped activity points that I could be using up. 28 AP's and about 20 WP's.

That's a pretty big binge, if I wanted to.

I wanted to spend a few points this week on something special. A blizzard perhaps, or a cookie from Panera...even though I don't want to go out into the horrid cold winter night and get anything from either place. Not that anyone is open.

I also hinted that my husband could go get Chinese food. Nope. He won't go. I thought of ordering a pizza. I could eat a few slices and count those points and be happy. But no. That did not happen either.

Instead, I found a frozen rising crust four cheese pizza in the freezer. Lackluster. As soon as I'd unwrapped it and stuck it in the oven, I realized that this thing did NOT represent my foo…

A Slow Loser

is nothing less than being a protracted winner!

This week I kicked 1.4 pounds to the curb.

What I Want

I want to be able to go up and down stairs without my knees and ankles hurting.
I want to be able to sit on a horse without feeling sorry for the poor beast.
I want to be able to go hiking and not be worn out.
I want to go caving (spelunking) again. That was so much fun.
I want to rapell and do ropes with the American Heritage Girls I'm an assistant leader for. (For whom I am...for the grammar police).
I want to be able to look in the mirror and be proud of myself.
I want health, healing and wholeness.
I want positive thoughts in my head.
I want to release this weight.
I want to smile (I am smiling...had a good day today).
I want to be faithful to my new good eating habits.
I want to sleep better.
I want to surprise my kids who (I think) secretly don't think I can lose weight for good.
I want to surprise myself as well.
I want to have a thinner self to offer my wonderful (thin) husband who loves me not matter what.
I want to lose weight and keep it off.
I want to be responsible.
I want to no…

Snapshots of my Day

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Worked on a wedding dress.
A lackluster veggie soup for dinner. (Served with not-at-all-lackluster grilled cheese sandwiches).
Drank some tea and ate some yogurt while watching Biggest Loser with my kids during my "resting time".
Played a few songs on my guitar.
Said some prayers.

Blog Direction

I'm really questioning the future of this blog. It seems so inane to me. All I ever talk about is wee piddly little stuff. And I'm thinking perhaps this blog has run its course. But I don't know.

I've been blogging for so long, and I'm attached to it. I like have a forum and place for my wee, piddly little voice saying wee piddly little stuff.

I don't. know. I'm not fishing for compliments or accolades. I'm just wondering out loud what to do with myself.

You see, this blog is in GREAT danger, right now, of turing into a "this is all about my weight loss efforts blah blah blah" thing, and I don't really want to do that. Because, quite frankly, while that is going to be an on-going HUGE part of my life for the next few years, as I work to lose 80-100 pounds, I don't necessarily know that anybody who is not "on the journey" wants to read about that stuff. But maybe that's just what I need to do. Keep it real, like…

The iCord Graveyard

In our bedroom we have a spot that is the iCord graveyard. We've had bad luck with our computer power cords. Those things are EXPENSIVE!!! Eighty bucks! And they keep breaking.

So today, when I was doing a bit of tidying in the living room, I realized that the cord is in two parts. I wondered....

...what IF part A is broken on one cord, and part B is broken on another cord.

So, I came back here with a lap top (whose battery does not hold a charge) and I started mixing and matching.

Woot! I'm happy to report that I found a combo that is actually powering this computer, even as I type. I'm so excited!

Once again, my brilliance saves the family money. And perhaps, giving credit to my husband here, I can appreciate, for the first time EVER, his pack-ratishness. There, I said it. Glad we had the iCord graveyard through which I could dig.

Shameless "Before" PIctures

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The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So, instead of crazy, I'm going to be responsible. I think it takes guts to post such awful pictures on the internet, but the truth is, everyone who sees me IRL sees this, too, so I may as well admit it to myself and get over it and get down to business and be more responsible with my eating and exercise.

Yes, I have fibro, yes I have a stressful life, but so do lots of other people and this is not a reason to slather butter on everything (just a wee bit on some things) and eat half a wheel of cheese with a hefty side of wine most evenings.

It's time for some new habits and a new attitude. So, this is the beginning, again.

Gone and Done it.

Joined Weight Watchers, that is.

Time for some outside accountability with my food. When I budgeted out my daily points allowance (fruits and veggies, including such yumsters as butternut squash and bananas are ZERO points, so I should NEVER be hungry) last night, just to see how much carb controlled pasta this girl can still eat, I about had a heart attack. NO WONDER I've got a weight problem. I've developed the oh-so-easy "I'm on a low carb diet, pass me that wheel of cheese" lifestyle...and then allowed some carbs to creep back in.

So, I just thought I'd share with you, both my readers (Hi Mom!) what I'm up to. Well, not specifically. My weight is so high, that after losing my initial 5%, I will STILL be higher than the magical number I thought I'd never let myself get fatter than.

I've struggled with my weight for all my life, since adolescence, as anyone who has read much on here knows. I have got to accept the fact that this. has. t…

Coming back to Life

Today I ran an errand to Kroger, made chicken noodle soup for lunch, did laundry (including folding, etc.), cleaned up the kitchen and cooked dinner.

And I took a nap.

This sure beats doing NOTHING but resting all day.