Summer is supposed to be a restful time for the homeschooling mom. Perhaps a vacation, time to get materials for the next school year organized. A time for getting the house cleaned and ready once again. A time for fun and games. Family time. Rest.
Such has NOT been my summer.
I am utterly exhausted. My house did not get the deep cleaning that I wanted it to get. We NEVER go anywhere. Car trouble necessitated that we spend any and all extra money on repairs and I even cancelled a planned trip to a monastery that I was looking forward to.
What, you ask, HAVE I been doing all summer? Well...taking kids (mostly one kid) to various doctors. It's been several neurologist visits, it's been psychiatrist visits, it's been another EEG (and because those are "sleep deprived" I am worn out for DAYS from one of those), it's been therapist visits which are horridly wearying in their own way.
And the problem is, for some reason I get emotionally worn out from all of this. Especially going to a new doctor. So when we had our first visit w/ B's new neurologist, I had my own anxiety issues to deal with over it. All was fine, everyone was wonderful and I'm quite adept at getting downtown and finding parking in "hospital row" (Louisville has at least 4 different hospitals all clumped together downtown: U of L hospital, Norton, Jewish and Cosair Children's Hospital...that I know of, not to mention entire buildings full of doctors) now that the newness of it all has worn off, but the learning curve is NOT something I enjoy.
And the kids are bored out of their wits. It's been a summer full of playing on the computer, reading books, and the occasional board (bored) game. And sometimes trips to the pool. The pool is almost right outside our back door here in the apartment complex. Just far enough way so that it's not directly behind us. So that is one nice thing. But for the younger two at least, I have to accompany them-so it's one more thing for me to squeeze in to my harried schedule.
So, yesterday was particularly bad, schedule-wise. I offer it to you as a sample day of my summer: Got up, did morning stuff which included cleaning up the kitchen-blech, then I got on-line and placed my order at alice.com for household stuff. Then I got dressed and dashed out the door to go to Costco and Walmart. M came with me. We listened to a John Michael Talbot CD in the car. That was nice. So, shopping. Then I looked at the time, and realized that I had barely enough time to drive home, unload the food, let M put it all away (it's nice to have teenagers!) while I dashed out again w/ B for a doctor's appointment. So that is what we did.
I literally ate nothing but chocolate for my "lunch". So not nourishing and not the type of physical energy I needed. We dashed downtown and made it barely in time. Had doc appointment, then headed over to drop something off at the neurologist, a block away. That chore done, we headed home again.
Of course this leaves me tired. I'm ready to rest and get something more nutritious (which I do), when someone informs me that I'd promised a library trip. So I did. So we went/dragged to the library. The younger kids wanted to swim, so I said library then swimming. But by the time we got home it was raining and the pool was closed. Thank God for small rainy mercies.
So by now it's almost time for making dinner. I am exhausted, and still have vespers and choir practice. I'm really too tired to go, but I really need to, and it would be time for myself, yadayada. I don't regret going to vespers and choir, but it WAS very long...almost 3 hours all together. But the music we sang!...it was worth it.
So, all this to say that the house is a chaotic mess, we still don't know for sure what all is wrong with B and why she has these strange involuntary movements (movement disorder specialist is scratching her head and doing some more research before she gets back w/ us) I'm still trying to find time to grade last year's school work and get things in order, I have TWO kids with birthdays next week and so on and so forth.
In a nutshell: I am at the end of myself. I'm done. I'm out of energy. I've reached my limit. I might as well die on this cross so that I can be resurrected with Christ. Metaphorically speaking, or spiritually speaking, or something.
And so some semblance of myself carries on. It will be interesting to see how this next school year unfolds. I'll probably start week after next, or the week after that. Lord have mercy, I need grace.
And the solution is NOT to enroll them in public school. That would cause more problems than it would solve. Really it would, so please don't leave any comments to that effect.