Why is it that the parents of bullies often have this attitude? I've heard it said more than once, coming from the mouth of the parents of bullies.
Lord of the Flies comes to mind. Perhaps kids WILL be kids, but its the parents job to civilize them, and teach them a better way.
Yesterday, I really blew it. Or maybe I did not blow it. Maybe I finally did what I should have been doing all along. Except I did it in the wrong way. Oh so wrong.
You see, my kids have been being bullied. Again. Still. They are bully magnets, which kids who are on the spectrum usually are. In this case, my younger two are the ones on the receiving end, although B has also been the recipient of some ugliness (she mostly manages to avoid it by staying away from kids in the neighborhood) and M is often confused by these same children being nice one minute and mean the next.
My kids are such easy targets. And they get upset easily.
Eric's been chased down my a kid on a bike on more than one occasion. Ariana has had her scooter forcibly ripped out of her hands and taken away from her on more than one occasion.
If my kids go outside with a ball or a toy, there's a good chance that that toy will be taken away from them and a game will be played of the "keep away" variety, in which my kids are subtly left out or left in the dust. All in the innocent name of fun and games, or course.
So yesterday it was sidewalk chalk. Ariana came inside crying. Such and so had stolen her sidewalk chalk. (later I found out that this girl was deliberately baiting A, and doing the little "shoulder push/gentle hitting" thing to egg her on, and taunting her once she started getting upset that she should just go on home. Control of the play ground.)
And after months of me trying to teach non-resistance, of turning the other cheek, of peacefulness, I lost it. Completely lost it.
I ran outside. I yelled at the kid in question. She started taking off in the opposite direction and I (I'm' such a grown up) chased after her. Yelling. And here comes her mother.
Two mama bears, facing off. With a smug and blinking nine year old in the middle. I yelled at the mom. I was so angry. I was yelling. She had to make me calm down. Eventually I did. So we had somewhat of a conversation about it. Of course, this was the first she'd ever heard of any sort of bullying.
But it won't be the last. From now on, I'm knocking on that woman's door every time her kids are nasty. She invited me to do just that. I doubt she really wants to know how often it's happening. Maybe it will put a stop to the bullying. Maybe it will be a "who is going to believe which kid" hopeless situation. She seemed to want to shove all the evil off onto her older daughter who was not there. Again, the nine year old was looking pretty smug. I always thought the younger one was at least as nasty as the older sister, if not slightly more so. Manipulative little liars.
I pointed out that my kids are on the autistic spectrum and were at a disadvantage in the "kids will be kids" arena.
And I feel really bad from more than one angle. 1. That I have not stuck my neck out to confront this situation a lot sooner. 2. That I do such a piss-poor job of it when I do finally confront the situation. 3. That I'm so afraid of people and of confrontations that I can't even effectively deal with a situation like this. and 4.) That I got so angry and yelled and really put myself at a disadvantage and made myself look like a loser and a fool (which titles I freely acknowledge that I fully deserve.)
How can I deal with this situation and help my kids to be safe? They want to move. I think I'm going to be reading a book on my back patio when the kids dare to venture forth outside a lot more often from now on. Oh God, help me!