Sunday, October 25, 2009

Journey Towards Simplicity: Overconsumption

Well, like I said, the first day my package arrived, I got out the dresses, tried them on and promptly decided that they needed to be altered.

But since then, I've spent most of my time in my night gown at home, sick with some kid of stomach bug. Just sick enough to be sick and feeling icky, but not sick enough to actually be throwing up. Lovely.

So, all I did on Friday night is go to the grocery store and pharmacy for some juice, crackers, peptobismol. And on Saturday all I did was go to the Farmer's market and make a big pot of chicken soup.

The rest of the time has been sick time.
Ideally: Rest and pray. And Rest in God's will. I read somewhere that illness is a time for self examination and repentance. OK, I'll bite.

When I'm sick, I tend to eat way too many crackers, for starters. Like feeling icky is an excuse to eat a box of crackers. Yeah, guilty as charged.

I seem to be keenly aware of my very strong tendency to over-consume. This has many varied forms, and perhaps the dress project is putting some focus on my urge to consume and I'm more aware of it than I am normally wont to be.

I found myself in a multi-purpose store the other day, and I realized that I needed to remind myself that I'm fasting from browsing (just looking, desiring, coveting if you will) the clothing and accessories section. I had to stop and be intentional. Calling a spade a spade, and coveting coveting...might as well. We are bombarded with the temptation to covet at every turn, are we not? It's the American way, is it not?

And the same awareness of my brokenness is present in regards to the food I eat. We all know I have a problem over-consuming in that area. It's mostly unconscious and automatic and very very habitual. But it's there nonetheless. I can't get away from it, and I can't fix myself. But I'm aware of the problem. I guess I just need to cry out to God and beg for mercy and grace.

I know that all the rules I make and impose upon myself from the outside still don't have the power to change my heart. Only God can do that.

"Change my heart O God".

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

God will help you.

Amber said...

First, I hope you're feeling better.

Second, we all have a tendency to overconsume. It's been almost bred into the culture at this point. We need *things* to be happy, and rewritting that almost instinctive need is *hard*.

And certainly not something we can do ourselves, as you said.

ephrem gall said...

Me too.
The book "In Defense of Food" gets into how our food has been developed genetically for yield in a way that sacrifices its nutritional value, so that we tend to eat more to get our nutrients.
But for me, this provides a rationalization for a lack of self-control.
However true the first, I must repent of the second.
Our Loving God will hear your persistent prayers. - Ephrem