Letting Go

I realize I'm a control freak who has a really really hard time letting go of certain areas. And I yell and bluster, sigh and complain and make life miserable for others around me (my family), when I don't get my way. God have mercy on me, a sinner.

I woke up at 4:15 this morning with migraine symptoms. I put on an eye mask and went back to weird-dream sleep. When I got up I took an excedrine migraine, and pushed through my day. until. I. could. not. continue.

I went to liturgy, ate brunch, baked a cake, made homemade ice cream, went to the store for a new ice cream freezer...blah blah blah. busy day.

I should have paid attention to what my body was telling me and gotten some rest. I did lay down for a wee bit, too little, too late.

So after vespers (yes, I even ignored my body to that extent and went to evening vespers, shame on me!) I finally asked for help and the rest of everyone made supper. Not quite the way I would have made...

and what really frosts me about myeslf, is that I STILL couldn't keep my critical comments to myself.

I really really need to make other people on my family cook more often.


Lisa said…
Oh. I see. You're just like me. You're hard on yourself! Someday, hopefully soon, we'll learn to accept ourselves exactly as we are and find peace! Thanks for making me feel less alone in my struggles.
Anonymous said…
The most beautiful thing about you Alana (that I see on the tiny snapshot on this blog!) is that you are "hard on yourself" sometimes, that you do identify your flaws or weaknesses and that you care about ending them...faithfully, persistently, and honestly, whether in attitude or speech or lifestyle behaviors.
Anonymous said…
I agree with Lisa and Anonymous. And don't forget what day of rest means, okay? You deserve to take it easy sometimes!
Btw - if you did decide to do the food blog thing properly, I'd totally read it.

elizabeth said…
My love.

I am this way often too (except I only have a cat) but it is hard to let go; I too am being told to be kind to myself; we are in process and, as I've been told, we must trust this process.

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