In my better moments I believe that it is a more secure place, to be poor and in physical need but constantly aware of one's dependance only on God for all things: material, spiritual, one's emotional well being...all of it, than it is to be materially "secure" and to be spiritually asleep and complacent and unaware or uncaring of God and His providence.
In my better moments. In my lesser moments I'm like: AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!LordhavemercyLordhavemercyLordhavemercy!
Freakoutfreakoutfreakout. I think I spend half of each night lying awake and praying.
Dh resigned from his job last Friday. And no, he does not have another one to go to...yet. He works until the end of the month. So there's a little time. Only a little.
And it's like Thecla said at church yesterday: "Well, it's not like you're gonna die!" So true, so true. I do keep thinking of worse things, just to keep myself together: like getting mauled by pit bulls, or one of the kids getting hit by a car or drowning at the pool, or someone at the CDC releasing the ebola virus everywhere,
or Hezbola bombs in Gaza and Israeli bombs in Beirut and surrounding environs.
There's worse things, definitely worse things.
And I feel so...awake.